In the first 14 years I've learned...

1. that i am usually wrong.
2. when greg recommends a furniture arrangement- he's usually right.
3. that new traditions can be taught and learned.
4. that it doesn't matter who gets the credit for something.
5. that greg has more patience than i do.
6. to listen.
7. to not expect someone to read my mind.
8. that it doesn't matter if anyone else in the world agrees with what we decide is ok with us.
9. that we are on the same team.
10. that i can trust greg.
11. that i am blessed to have a husband that ask my opinion and really cares about what i think.
12. that someone can see all of my faults, sin & ugliness and still love me.
13. that i can see the same in someone else and love them more everyday.
14. that i am not as good of a wife as he is a husband.

What is this all about

i can't seem to shake this cough. of coarse i have really only had it for a couple of days. however, as everyone knows, i do not suffer as well as i should. my girls are at an age where "they are old enough- but not really" to take care of lots of things. but there is usually a bigger mess for me to clean up in the end when i hand it completely over. so, like other moms, when i feel just a little bit under the weather it's difficult...not bad enough to be in bed for the day yet too bad to be doing everything that needs to be done.
so- here i am -blogging in the dark. i was coughing so much that i knew i would wake greg up if i stayed in the bed. the part that i hate worse than having to get out of bed at 4:30 in the a.m. is knowing that when my foot hits the ground Wren, our dog, is going to hear it. one thing leads to another and before 6:30 everyone in this house will be begging for a pop tart. oh- and we're out of coffee. that's like being out of water in our world.
i have been thinking a lot about Christ and the fact that i am a Christian...primarily because of Advent. I listened to Abby on Sunday as she lead us to the second candle with another adult in our church. as i was preparing to speak atthe 5th & 6th grade chapel i studied 2 samuel where david sent for and brought mephibosheth to himself. he became his father. i am acutely aware during this season of Advent ("coming"), as we move toward epiphany ("discovery"/the day the magi discovered Jesus...who was probably two at that point) that this world is not my "rest", my home, my end. i am keenly aware of how odd, unsettling and foreign that sounds to many of my friends who are not professing believers, rather professing unbelievers. as foreign as it would be for my non-Christian friends to try and grasp this -it would be that foreign for me to try and reject this. it is who i am, what i am , how i am and why i am. when i light the candle and read the story i find comfort in knowing that i am a part of something so much greater than myself. it is not by me but it is for me. i did not attain it it took hold of me. my hope rest in the covenant made b/t God and Christ - on my behalf.
well, i have already had one little one crawl into my arms and it's just 6:05 a.m.. In the next 15 min. i will let the shower get very, very hot. i will take a shower. and then, when it's time to get out- i won't. i will stand there for another 3 minutes, drowning out my concerns, my schedule, the broken washer, my coughing and my empty coffee pot. As the water flows i will remind myself that no matter what happens today, "My greatest need has been met."

Holiday Thanks-giving

over the past several days i have tried to articulate how thankful i am for EVERYTHING. however, i have been unsuccessful. in my feeble attempts i have found myself choked by emotion and at times paralyzed by fear. i think when i feel the most thankful i am simultaneously aware of my mortality. it seems that the more i have invested the more raw everything becomes. i remember my mom saying that "when you have children it's like wearing your heart outside of your body." i think that this sentiment can be felt in so many avenues. basically, the more you truly love God, people, your church body, your family & friends- the more you realize how utterly blessed you are to have any of them! So thankful for a warm house, a kid who needs special care and three who do not, a loving & strong husband who loves me and a church family that loves us. Thank you, Lord...how could I ask for more?

I Hit The Wall.

I am sure that this will come as a surprise to many of you, but I am bothered by a lot of noise. This is very interesting even to me. I was raised in a large family. I had loud friends. I was loud. I liked my music loud and my fun loud. I worked as a youth minister, where noise is a must. One morning, however, I woke up to the noise of four little girls. My daughters. The main problem is that I can't send them home. They have to stay. They all like to talk all at once. One of them likes to sing any song, other than the one that is on the radio, at the same time that we are all trying to enjoy the one that has purchased air time. One of them screams every word that comes out of her mouth and one of them whines every word that comes out of hers. One of the girls is extremely dramatic and likes to yell phrases like, "Fine! I won't play then! It's too late!" The problem is that none of the things that she yells is contextually appropriate for the issue that she is responding to. Tonight all of these children made mush of my brains. I texted a friend of mine to see if she would watch the precious angels for one hour. I didn't hear back from her. One of my friends called, who is the mother of three, has a wounded leg & had had people at her house all day. When she VOLUNTEERED to keep the girls for an hour I was a little hesitant. But, that didn't last long. I took the girls over there and Greg and I went to Chili's for one hour. In the car on the way to her house it reminded me of the Sunny D commercial where the parents are starring into oblivion and the teen aged girl is singing off key while the brother is playing a video game. By the time that we dropped them off we were literally like, "Let's not say a word...Let's just be quiet and press delete." After an hour we had regrouped and actually went back to the house where we had left our children and picked them back up. That to me is the amazing part of parenting. One always goes back. Huh.
After we got home, Greg put the two little ones to bed. If your house is like my house, for some odd reason all of the children seem to obey the dad a little more quickly than the mom. We made some coffee and sat down to watch Collision, which I strongly recommend. We pre-ordered this several months ago and have been anxiously awaiting its arrival. GREAT way to end the night. LOVE a great debate. All of us need to re-think our beliefs. We all need to ask ourselves difficult questions as well as welcome difficult questions from others. Inter-acting with new ideas should not scare us. Other people doing things differently than how we ourselves do things should not make us feel insecure or stir up self doubt. Answering the why questions should lead us to a stronger understanding of what we truly believe.
I am so thankful that I have Greg. I am so thankful that I have my children. I honestly do not know what I would do without them....except sleep...I would sleep. I am thankful for family, friends, coffee & grace.
Lucy Grace has started saying something new. almost every morning while stirring her "PICK" of the flavored oatmeal, she says, "Mommy, this is the best day of my life." Oh to be that thankful. To open a box of variety oatmeal, where only Peach has been left to choose, and to still think that this is the BEST day of your life- that is real gratitude.

Ft Worth Stock Yards

Abby's 4th grade class went on a field trip to the Ft Worth Stock Yards yesterday. It was undoubtedly the best field trip that I have had the privilege to be a part of. If you go- you MUST pay $8 per person for the guided tour & request Peggy. She was great. It is well worth it!

I have been here (in Texas DFW area) and never knew most of the history that was shared in the tour. It is an understatement to say that I liked this trip. Probably one of the most interesting things was the auction. This was really incredible to see. Lots of $$.

I highly encourage everyone to take this trip. I think Greg and I may go back in December....without all the little munchkins.

Well, it's 10:00...

Sundays are my favorite day of the week. A run down of what this day usually looks like for me: Get up around 7:30 a.m. (compared to the 6 a.m. alarm I'm hitting Monday thru Friday) Eat, drink coffee, read the paper...etc. I make the girls lay all of their clothes that they are going to be wearing to worship out on our dining room table the night before. dresses, shoes, underwear, glasses...anything that goes on their body HAS to be on that table. I do not want to get into "it" before we go to worship. :) After they are dressed i then begin my "dress" ritual. we usually walk out the door around 10:00. Pick up a girl down the street and head to Westminster. Today we had a guest preacher who will be leaving for India soon with his wife and children. His sermon was very convicting as well as thoughtful and motivating. After worship we had our third Sunday lunch. everyone stays for this. it is truly one of the highlights of our families month. my kids absolutely love this lunch. on a normal Sunday, when we have no obligations (i.e.- bday parties, showers, etc) we come home and the rest of the day we are free. since my husband pastors and works a part-time job also, Sunday afternoons until we go to sleep Sunday night are literally the only time during the week that we are not "somewhere" else. the work of the pastor is weight-bearing. i am shocked at times to hear the grumblings and mumblings of parishioners. i am reminded of the saying, " if you have spent an hour in prayer over something - the elder in your church has spent three hours in prayer over that same thing." what is meant by that is : they do not approach their office, calling or position flippantly. i know, because i am his wife, that my husband eats, thinks, prays, breaths, studies, & feels the responsibility of his parish. all of that to say- on Sunday afternoons, he has just finished a sermon that he has spent a week or more preparing and he has not yet begun to "engage" with his sermon for the next week. so, we are usually free to hang out with friends, watch a movie, go to rockwall or on a date. fun, lazy stuff. today was different.
this month we have had 4 birthdays. no lie- it is like Christmas for everyone in this house EXCEPT for me and the 7 year old. EVERYONE else gets to look forward to Party Month. today, Sunday, we surprised my, now 38 year old, husband with an overnight get away. he and 2 of his closest friends went to Big D to stay in a hotel, go out and eat and I'm certain- smoke cigars. he was so excited. i know I'm crazy...because...i had two extra kiddos staying at our house tonight (because their parents got tickets to the cowboy's game and i couldn't say no because the stadium is awesome and i would want to go to that!) so- i left lunch today, ran to a bday party that started at 1:00 and lasted till 3. came home and the kiddos had just arrived. kissed my husband goodbye. swapped my van for my friends suburban. took the pizza orders from kids who think that i care what their "favorite kind of pizza is", cleaned messes, gave baths, gave meds, put kids to bed everywhere, and now i am wasting my life away on the computer. my kitchen looks like a scene from Hoarders. A family of rodents could live off of the popcorn and pepperoni that is on the kitchen floor. yet i remain calm. drinking coffee, fully loaded, looking at the open dish washer filled with clean dishes...wondering, "when was the last time i cleaned that ceiling fan?"
there is a couple in our church that brings home grown garden veggies to everyone every Sunday. i love this for so many reasons. one reason is because it is a deliberate act of love & kindness. this is a man of few words but big actions. a real servant. i told someone one day, jokingly ,that i could picture myself dressed like a pilgrim taking a squash and saying slowly, like a quiet puritan woman, "Thank you for the bounty, sir." (maybe it's better described as an english, dicken's type accent. why is this aspect so important to me???) there are literally 3 huge bowls that i am looking at right now, in my kitchen, of peppers, tomatoes, and pears. i seriously have to think of something to make and of neighbors to share with because they will not last long.
my great aunt who is in a nursing home, not for much longer though thanks to my mom, has truly struggled with life as of late. her whole life she has had the ability and the means to come and go at her will. her mind is pretty good but her body is failing her. the ability to hold her self upright, walk unassisted and drive are no longer options that she has. she has seen the "glory days" of her life.
as i think back over today, and the monotony that seems to loom around the other 6 days, i really do want to engage the "fullness" of it. i want to plunge into the deep end of "this" thing. kids everywhere, ripped hole in my chair, fingernail polish remover spill on my dining room table, crack in my tile, black paint hand prints in my hall, spankings, threats, kids spitting (man- it sounds like i live in a meth house).
one day when life rips it all away from me....when i am almost 80 and i have "used it up"...i want to genuinely, thankfully and graciously say, "Thank you for the bounty, Sir!" (minus the pilgrim garb)

"you're courage ask me what i'm afraid of..."

i have been thinking a lot about the ordinary christian life. i believe that, in order to be consistent, my life should mirror that of Christ. i just finished reading, fields of the fatherless, by Thomas Davis. my friend, Christi, let me barrow it and i read it in about a day. at the same time, i have been listening to Sara groves' song, i saw what i saw, about her trip to Rwanda. i have never visited Rwanda. i have been to India, Amsterdam, Mexico & Houston. however, this song immediately took me back to my first day in a child protective services waiting room. i remember these three kids who came in to meet their mom for a visit. they waited and waited. finally the foster mom took them aside and told them that she hadn't shown up, she comforted them and they left. i think that was the moment that i changed. it "cut me to the soul". i think that it was then that i realized that i must choose go to "the hard place". i think in our consumeristic society we have lost touch with eternal realities. we would not need short-term mission trips if we were living "with" the poor, the orphan, the widow & the stranger. please know that i am not criticizing short-term ministry projects, i just think that somehow their has been a shift that has made these the norm as opposed to us actively seeking life among these that Christ lived among. i in know way feel like i have attained this type of life. i am, however, trying to push myself to detox from familiarity and comfort & deconstruct my rituals. i am trying to look for people who are uncommon to me, engage people who look different than i do, seek out the stranger, the lonely and to help the widow and the orphan in their distress. i think that many of us give up too fast. we try to "change" but because of the mechanical akwardness we feel in the beginning we stop. we have to push through. wedenesday night we read this passage in ezekial 16:49, "Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy." romans 12:16 says, "live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. never be conceited." deuteronomy 10:18-19, "He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing. love the sojourner, therefore, for you were sojourners in the land of egypt." we must ask ourselves why we are investing in the things, places, institutions and people that we are investing in. how are we measuring our success? how are we defining success? i have been wrestling with all of these thoughts. choosing to live the ordinary christian life is counter-cultural. it is tiring and revealing. to end with the words of sara groves:

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
(what I am made of)
and what I know of love

we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution

Something on the road, touched my very soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something on the road, touched my very soul