"Why am I doing this?"

The past couple of days I have had several "first".
One of those happened last night.
We went to a super fun "party" last night that one of our friends put together. We wound up setting at a table with a group of people that I have actually known for quite a while but have never had the opportunity to engage with on a social level. We had a great conversation about foster care, because one of the couples had been involved with this for several years, and about our families. When the conversation began to die down a little, one of the wives asked if our "girls were in school at "XYZ" since we lived just a couple of blocks from there." I hesitantly answered, because I am gutless for the most part and I preface everything, "Well, they were at 'LMNOP' ..."
"Great" she said inturrupting me before I could finish, "That's a good school."
"But," I said, "We started homeschooling this semester."
"What?" she said a little more loudly than I was comfortable with. "Are you a glutton for punishment or what?"
She began telling me about her history as a mom. With her first two, she worked and they went to school. With her much younger adopted child, they put her in day care when she was three days old and "it was the best decision that they have ever made because she knows what she wants, she knows how to ask for it and she isn't attached at the hip." She said that she doesn't take her to school, her husband gets the daughter ready every morning, does her hair, breakfast, etc.. They get ready and out the door without waking her up every morning so that she can sleep. She no longer works so "she gets to have the days to herself, and she sees her daughter when she gets in from school every afternoon." She is 5. She loves her kids very much and she seems to be a "good" mom, we do, however, have different philosophies on raising children.

Seemingly long pause.........

This morning was difficult. We were tired and it was a beautiful day outside. I kept thinking, "Why am I making her sit here and do this work when it is so nice outside?" So...I told her to go outside and ride her bike and we called a couple of friends and went to the park. We had lunch and played. I called a friend back in the "Heartland" who homeschools and asked if my thinking was "off". I mean, "This is one of the reasons that we are homeschooling. Right?"

Then I thought, "Why AM I doing this?" I'm not sure that I have even "listed" those reasons for myself to see. Seems like a very obvious place to start...

#1. Because it is the right thing for our family. Our evenings seem to get swallowed up with activites that are fun and beneficial. I fear that our kids get the "short end of the stick" when we/they are gone from 7:50 a.m. until 3:00 p.m. and then we have an "outing" , or people over, etc. at 6:00 p.m. and they go to bed at 8:00 p.m.. That leaves me & dad seeing them for for about 4 hours out of the day. That leaves me getting a "short stick, too" because I want to enjoy them. Let me say that not everyone who has their kids in school has the same scheduling "delimnas" that we do. With Greg pastoring and temporarily working an additional job, we are busier than alot of families. This has been a good solution for us, right now.

#2. It gives me more time to "deal" with "heart issues". This is one of the things that my friend from the "Heartland" addressed. When my child is deliberating or arguing with me at the table about a "lesson" that I have told them to complete or that I am teaching them , because they just do not want to do it...that is not ok. Many parents hold to a philosophy of parenting that allows their child to be in control or to dictate what the day "looks like". I completely disagree with this. I am not speaking of "play time" when they are at the zoo or playing "make-believe". I am talking about rebellion. This gives me the opportunity to say, "Why are you speaking to Mommy like that? Do you think that that is ok? What do you think is going on in your heart right now that makes you want to argue with me about something that I have told you to do?" It creates opportunities for real discussions.

Maybe those are the only reasons....that I am aware of now.

So, what about going to the park in the middle of the day? I am learning that Homeschooling is- just that- HOME schooling. I am not in a state-funded school, or privatized school that dictates scheduling. I think that I have been frustrated because I have been mixing "cultures". We are at HOME. It will not EVER be the same as if she were in a classroom.

Tonight, when I was putting A. to bed, we had a long discussion about how much she misses the "games" at school, playing with her friends, and all the "fun" group stuff....after which, I admittedly felt "threatened". Silly, but true. I was thinking, "I am really gonna screw her up. One day she's going to tell people, 'My mom wanted to homeschool me sooo bad. I'll never do THAT to my child.' "

So, I had the idea, as if it would be redemptive in some small way, to ask her, "Why do you think that Mommy wants to homeschool you?" I mean, we have had alot of discussions about education, family, catechesis...

And without a second thought she firmly stated, "Because you don't want to spend the money."

The moral of the story: Don't try to turn everything into a lesson. Just don't do it. It's not worth it.

Just let the 7 year old think what ever it is she thinks...