Happy Holidays.

So it has been a while since I have posted. The chaos that accompanies the joy of the holiday season has certainly blown through the Fields' Estate and we are trying to maintain our balance.

I have experienced, what I would consider to be, one of the negatives of home schooling. We had a semi-crisis situation last week, where my baby, Zoe, had to get stitches. It was about 10 a.m. We had decided to take our studies on the road so we were heading to Starbucks to hit the books for a couple of hours...when the phone rang. Greg was on the line telling me that Zoe had cut her finger at Mother's Day Out and they could not get it to stop bleeding. The ironic thing was that the cut was more like a scratch. Nothing very deep or wide. We went to the doctor's office and wound up leaving with stitches and another appointment to test for a platelet abnormality. It was still bleeding after an hour! The negative that I spoke of concerning homeschooling has to do with the fact that the older girls accomplished absolutely nothing, as far as textbook "work" goes. Abby apparently thought that she was filming a documentary for Discovery Health based on the number of questions that she asked the doctor and the lack of personal space that she allowed anyone in the office, for fear that she might miss a shot or a stitch. I also found it difficult to manage the older ones, knowing that if I were following the societal norm - they would have been in school...and not in a tiny, hot, over-crowded doctor's office. :) I know that that is a mental "game" that I am going to have to not "walk through" every time something difficult happens. I in no way begrudge my children or their presence because of choices that we have made for them. It's just the raw fact that I don't want to deal with them when I feel that I have a more pressing "concern". This definitely reveals a lot about me and where I am in this process called parenting.

I have decided that I am going to have both of the kiddos tested in August before starting the new school year. (Achievement and IQ) I want to do this and my friend, Amanda has offered her services in this arena. I am also going to have them take the TAKS test for assessment...just for my own curiosity.

This week, my high school football team went to their first playoff game. They were sadly defeated. However, I felt that feeling of "connection". I got a call from a friend asking if I wanted to "meet up with everyone at the game?" I loved feeling a part of that and reliving in my mind all of the fun times that are a scrapbook collage of who I am today. I thought, "I want my girls to have these type of memories and feelings." I hope that they feel Fall and can smell Spring. I want them to remember the scent of room temperature chocolate milk that permeates the hallway that they walk 305 days of the year. I want them to taste public school tater tots and I want them to throw up in home room. I also want them to know the difference between virginity and purity, "home centered-ness" and feminism, living and Life. I want them to not always want to "leave the house" to go "do something fun". I want them to "be ready" to go away to college, not just 18 years old. I am not pinning all of these ideas against each one another, this is just how my mind works. One can obviously know the taste of public school tater tots and come from a very connected family.

I hope that we are making the right decision in staying the course that we are on. I see great benefits yet I often struggle with parental guilt and doubt. I have seen good fruit from this past year. I think, thus far, that the pros outweigh the cons, for our family. However, we all know how quickly & subtly the direction of the wind can change. I pray that I am flexible...not concerned with being "right" or "wrong", rather, listening to the Voice "saying, this is the way- walk in it."