The One of Whose Name We Do Not Speak -(#2 in the series of "Who inspires me?")

We do not speak her name because she has asked us not to...not until our daughter turns 18. By "our daughter" I am speaking of hers & ours...Zoe. Zoe's birth family is, in many ways, alot like ours. Zoe is the fourth child in her family. She is our fourth child. Her biological siblings are 9, 7, & 4. Her three sisters are 9, 7 & 4. Her mothers truly loves her.

I remember when I heard that her mom had named her. I felt very threatened. "I thought she didn't want her." I yelled from the kitchen. I feel so much shame in typing that. So embarrassed and exposed that my thoughts were on myself at all. I am ashamed that I thought, "She didn't want her." Zoe's mom held her and was there for her. She carried her even though she knew that she would not raise her. I am so thankful that she did not kill her.

“Abortion is so critical to us, because this is essentially a genocide. According to the census of 2006, African Americans are reproducing below replacement level, which is 2.1 children per household, and we are now at 1.9. We need to turn this around quickly, because over 1,400 African-American babies are aborted every day. That’s going in the wrong direction.” - Walter B. Hoye II, executive elder of Progressive Missionary Baptist Church of Berkeley.

She looked for an agency that would place her child with a loving family. She filled out the book they call "intake". She went to her doctor appointments. She named her...she thought through what she wanted to name her and she wrote it on the birth certificate. Do you know what that will mean to Zoe one day. She wasn't in a hurry to "get this thing over with". Yes, we named her also.

The first time I saw Zoe, we went to the foster family's home. Dawn, her foster mom, was at Zoe's birth. I will be eternally grateful to her for being there to care for Zoe when we could not. Meeting my baby for the first time at 2 weeks old was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. Greg and I left that day, after our initial meeting, without her. We knew that she was ours- but we couldn't have her yet. Let me just speak to this- it is a very difficult place to be. For those of you who have a hard time understanding this- try to remember what it was like the day you found out that you were pregnant. 9 months seems like a life time. Now try to imagine leaving your child at the hospital and going to visit for the next two, three, for some 18 months. By the time Zoe finally got home- she was 2 months old. Dawn is still in our lives and I hope that she always is. All of these people: Zoe's birth mom who named her, Dawn, the foster mom, who held her and fed her, Charles, the foster dad, who called her "Lovey", Generations Agency that didn't overlook us because we were white and unable to withdraw thousands of dollars from our checking account (notice I did not say "savings account"), The Deacons at Redeemer Presbyterian who paid for our legal fees because "this is a church issue." ...they are tangible portraits of the grace of God- not just for Zoe- but for us...all of us. All of this is because Zoe's mom loved her.

Dear ___________________,
I hope to meet you one day. I hope that you will pleased with us. I know that you must wonder everyday where she is. I pray for you. I pray that you will feel how happy she is. Did you know that she lays in the floor every single day, like clock work, and belly laughs for 15 minutes. She has to release it. Her favorite song is "In Christ Alone" by the Getty's. She calls it "Christ of Christ". Did you know that she is overwhelmed by love. I think that you would be so happy that she has beads in her hair. I can hear her turning over now, her beads are hitting against each other. I heard that your hair is beautiful and that you are gorgeous and tall. She has really straight, white teeth and an intoxicating smile. She shares a room with her older sister and they have matching quilts. She is very smart, extremely verbal and loves to hug. I want you to know that she will love you. She will probably think about you one day as much as you think about her. I want you to know that I will tell her how grateful to God I am for you and that she should be also. I know that she will be inspired to live a life that is bigger than herself- because of your example. Know that we love you- because you are a part of our little Zoe.
Until our paths cross,
Tracey