i guess i should write a little about homeschooling. That is the reason that i began this blog several years ago. obviously i have not commented much on this since august. this year has proven to be more difficult. i have my 11 year old and my almost 9 year old that i am teaching. my 6 year old is in a christian school for now and my 5 year old is home. i absolutely love the reading, history and english that we are using. honestly, i am growing to enjoy the math. my biggest fight, however, is with myself. dying to myself. believe me, i know that i sound like a broken record. i hear my internal dialogue day after day. i need the lord to re-shape me and re-wire my broken hard drive. i must admit that i am in love with the girls that i get to spend my day with. i wish that the rest of my heart was at home all day, however, that has not proven to be the lord's plan for her. the issue is that i feel this pressure...that i must admit- i have absolutely no idea where it comes from. it is like i can loose the day over a moment. a dumb moment. like a four year old kid who didn't get the blue lollipop. God have mercy on me. my goal is to indoctrinate, pass on a passion for missions and service where we are and to teach them to understand how important their role is in the home...not just in the future but now. the one thing that i am sure of is this- my girls love what i love. this is not a lie- they beg me to do history every day. why? because i LOVE history and i love to tell stories. when i enjoy what i am doing with them- they enjoy it too! i hate doing things with people who whine and seemed overly burdened...yet, i see this sin in myself. being a parent, a good parent, is so difficult. but i love it. at family camp this summer a friend of mine said, "there is a difference in 'being there' and 'being with'. Lord, teach me to be with my children. so, as for homeschooling- my third year- it is still a learning process for me. i pray that i will BE who i want them to BE.
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3 comments:
wow, Traci. Thanks for posting this. I have a daily struggle of the same thing. Continuing to die to myself. I sometimes feel like "Im with them 24/7, constantly giving giving giving, what more can I give?" But even that attitude shows that I still have not fully died to myself. Its always nice to read that other moms {homeschooling moms} struggle with similar things bc sometimes a person can feel isolated and like something is wrong if no one else ever talks about it.
I bet it's very tough homeschooling. I can't even imagine.
If you have a second please stop by the bucket project and let us know one thing you want to do before you kick the bucket. We'd greatly appreciate it!
Jessi @ http://bucketproject.blogspot.com
hi tracy, you might enjoy reading 10millionmiles.com her name is laura. she does some fun things. her children are younger but i still think you would enjoy her. she talks about this not only in relation to homeschooling, but marriage (surprise:)
i got to meet her at recent blogging conf. delightful! someday i'd love to see you at presbytery. am going thro' a non-driving season right now.:( should be back to it in mid-december. m
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