I have not posted recently. I have debated as to whether or not I was going to detail all that I had been feeling over the past several weeks. I really do not want to...however, I think that it will be helpful to other people who are homeschooling or are considering homeschooling.
We have been under a lot of stress the past several months...and as a result, I have not been as focused as I should've been on "formal education." Don't get me wrong...we have set down everyday and accomplished the "list" of Math, Reading, English and maybe an "extra" every day or two...but I have been a million miles away. Very distracted.
I hit a wall about a week ago. I decided to go and interview a school. I felt like it was the right thing to do...until the night before.
I had gone in to put Abby to bed and she was talking about the "interview". As she began to talk I thought, "I really want her to be content whether she is with me or at a school." She told me that she wanted to "go to a school because she likes to carry her back pack." Which I completely understand because backpacks are my weakness. I told her that "I really wanted her heart to desire what ever God wanted for her." Then I said, "Abby, do you trust me?" and she said, "Yes...I'm just scared that you will say no." Which completely made me sad. I was on my knees beside her bed and I looked a little more closely into her eyes and I said, "I might...but I need you to trust me." When I prayed with her that night I prayed that the Lord would help her heart to be turned toward His and that she would desire what He wanted for her. I was crying while I prayed for her. I prayed that she would know that we are trying to make the right choices for her.
Well, we went to the interview...and we knew in about 5 minutes that the school was not a good fit. But more importantly, I knew that the issue was with me. I knew that I had been the one with the contentment issue. I knew that I had been the one wondering if I was doing enough or if she was going to be "ok". I knew that the stupidest thing that I could've done was to let my circumstances dictate my decision making. #1 - Why am I allowing myself to be stressed out over things that I have ABSOLUTELY NO control over? #2 - Why am I being distracted from the one thing that I do have control over? #3 - Why am I not trusting the way I should?
So...back home to tell Abby.
You know, she didn't take it as bad as I thought that she would. We actually had one of those conversations that made me say, "This is working." And today...we're back to, "Mommy, I love homeschooling!"
So, all of that to say, it can feel over whelming, and it may not be for everybody...but it is for us...today.
Posts
3 comments:
"I prayed that the Lord would help her heart to be turned toward His and that she would desire what He wanted for her."
Tracey, I think this is all any of us needs, really. I pray this on a regular basis--no matter the situation. I think it's incredible that Abby is getting the idea NOW that it is easy to want things, but infinitely harder to be patient enough to wait on the Lord and His desires for us. Great stuff!
Tracey, I met you several years ago at our church in Smyrna. My name is Shawnah and Kyle introduced us because I also have Rheumatoid! Anyway, Jamie Ivey sent me your blogsite and thought I would want to read it. You are exactly where I have been many times! I started homeschooling when Jared was in 8th grade and Maci was in 1st. My other daughter was 4 at the time. The first year was soooo hard. I truly felt God had called us to do this though. Jared wanted to go back to school many times, tears and all. Everytime I would be desiring it I would pray and ask God to give me His desires. He did. When Jared kept wanting to go back, I had another talk with God. I told Him that I knew that WE were the ones to make the decisions for our children and that He would speak to Kent and I, BUT...couldn't He just go ahead and make the kids have that desire and give them joy in doing what is right? The next morning the school bus went by, I looked at Jared and asked him if he wished he were on it. He said, "A little, but if I were I couldn't do this." He reached over and gave me a big kiss. (If only he'd do that now, hehe.) I felt that God had confirmed to me that it was all going to be okay. It truly got better from that point on. Jared is in 11th grade now, and even though I try to talk him into going to school at times:) he won't!! He says that sometimes he wishes that he had gone back. But when my kids got to the highschool age, we all prayed that God would give them the desire to either stay home or go to school. He never wanted to go back. Now he says that when he starts wondering if he should have gone back, he realized that he would have desired it if God wanted him to. He believes that his homeschooing is God's plan for his life.
Maci on the other hand, started 9th grade this year at a private school. She is really liking it. She is making straight A's. She has struggled with the girls trying to pull her into their groups by talking about everyone else. She has had the opportunity to be such a witness. Girls have said things to her through notes and comments about what an encouragement she is to them and how much she has helped them to be better people. WOW! I'm exited about her grades, but I'm more excited that she is spreading the Light of Christ to those around her. Who knows what we'll do next year. We have always prayed year to year. Maci may come home and Jared and Molly may be in school, only God knows. We trust Him to give us the desires that go along with His will for our lives. Homeschooling is so tough at times, but so precious. I see it now more than ever. Good luck!
Shawnah (sorry this is so long)
thanks so much for that...your story truly ministered to me.
Post a Comment