In the first 14 years I've learned...

1. that i am usually wrong.
2. when greg recommends a furniture arrangement- he's usually right.
3. that new traditions can be taught and learned.
4. that it doesn't matter who gets the credit for something.
5. that greg has more patience than i do.
6. to listen.
7. to not expect someone to read my mind.
8. that it doesn't matter if anyone else in the world agrees with what we decide is ok with us.
9. that we are on the same team.
10. that i can trust greg.
11. that i am blessed to have a husband that ask my opinion and really cares about what i think.
12. that someone can see all of my faults, sin & ugliness and still love me.
13. that i can see the same in someone else and love them more everyday.
14. that i am not as good of a wife as he is a husband.

What is this all about

i can't seem to shake this cough. of coarse i have really only had it for a couple of days. however, as everyone knows, i do not suffer as well as i should. my girls are at an age where "they are old enough- but not really" to take care of lots of things. but there is usually a bigger mess for me to clean up in the end when i hand it completely over. so, like other moms, when i feel just a little bit under the weather it's difficult...not bad enough to be in bed for the day yet too bad to be doing everything that needs to be done.
so- here i am -blogging in the dark. i was coughing so much that i knew i would wake greg up if i stayed in the bed. the part that i hate worse than having to get out of bed at 4:30 in the a.m. is knowing that when my foot hits the ground Wren, our dog, is going to hear it. one thing leads to another and before 6:30 everyone in this house will be begging for a pop tart. oh- and we're out of coffee. that's like being out of water in our world.
i have been thinking a lot about Christ and the fact that i am a Christian...primarily because of Advent. I listened to Abby on Sunday as she lead us to the second candle with another adult in our church. as i was preparing to speak atthe 5th & 6th grade chapel i studied 2 samuel where david sent for and brought mephibosheth to himself. he became his father. i am acutely aware during this season of Advent ("coming"), as we move toward epiphany ("discovery"/the day the magi discovered Jesus...who was probably two at that point) that this world is not my "rest", my home, my end. i am keenly aware of how odd, unsettling and foreign that sounds to many of my friends who are not professing believers, rather professing unbelievers. as foreign as it would be for my non-Christian friends to try and grasp this -it would be that foreign for me to try and reject this. it is who i am, what i am , how i am and why i am. when i light the candle and read the story i find comfort in knowing that i am a part of something so much greater than myself. it is not by me but it is for me. i did not attain it it took hold of me. my hope rest in the covenant made b/t God and Christ - on my behalf.
well, i have already had one little one crawl into my arms and it's just 6:05 a.m.. In the next 15 min. i will let the shower get very, very hot. i will take a shower. and then, when it's time to get out- i won't. i will stand there for another 3 minutes, drowning out my concerns, my schedule, the broken washer, my coughing and my empty coffee pot. As the water flows i will remind myself that no matter what happens today, "My greatest need has been met."

Holiday Thanks-giving

over the past several days i have tried to articulate how thankful i am for EVERYTHING. however, i have been unsuccessful. in my feeble attempts i have found myself choked by emotion and at times paralyzed by fear. i think when i feel the most thankful i am simultaneously aware of my mortality. it seems that the more i have invested the more raw everything becomes. i remember my mom saying that "when you have children it's like wearing your heart outside of your body." i think that this sentiment can be felt in so many avenues. basically, the more you truly love God, people, your church body, your family & friends- the more you realize how utterly blessed you are to have any of them! So thankful for a warm house, a kid who needs special care and three who do not, a loving & strong husband who loves me and a church family that loves us. Thank you, Lord...how could I ask for more?

I Hit The Wall.

I am sure that this will come as a surprise to many of you, but I am bothered by a lot of noise. This is very interesting even to me. I was raised in a large family. I had loud friends. I was loud. I liked my music loud and my fun loud. I worked as a youth minister, where noise is a must. One morning, however, I woke up to the noise of four little girls. My daughters. The main problem is that I can't send them home. They have to stay. They all like to talk all at once. One of them likes to sing any song, other than the one that is on the radio, at the same time that we are all trying to enjoy the one that has purchased air time. One of them screams every word that comes out of her mouth and one of them whines every word that comes out of hers. One of the girls is extremely dramatic and likes to yell phrases like, "Fine! I won't play then! It's too late!" The problem is that none of the things that she yells is contextually appropriate for the issue that she is responding to. Tonight all of these children made mush of my brains. I texted a friend of mine to see if she would watch the precious angels for one hour. I didn't hear back from her. One of my friends called, who is the mother of three, has a wounded leg & had had people at her house all day. When she VOLUNTEERED to keep the girls for an hour I was a little hesitant. But, that didn't last long. I took the girls over there and Greg and I went to Chili's for one hour. In the car on the way to her house it reminded me of the Sunny D commercial where the parents are starring into oblivion and the teen aged girl is singing off key while the brother is playing a video game. By the time that we dropped them off we were literally like, "Let's not say a word...Let's just be quiet and press delete." After an hour we had regrouped and actually went back to the house where we had left our children and picked them back up. That to me is the amazing part of parenting. One always goes back. Huh.
After we got home, Greg put the two little ones to bed. If your house is like my house, for some odd reason all of the children seem to obey the dad a little more quickly than the mom. We made some coffee and sat down to watch Collision, which I strongly recommend. We pre-ordered this several months ago and have been anxiously awaiting its arrival. GREAT way to end the night. LOVE a great debate. All of us need to re-think our beliefs. We all need to ask ourselves difficult questions as well as welcome difficult questions from others. Inter-acting with new ideas should not scare us. Other people doing things differently than how we ourselves do things should not make us feel insecure or stir up self doubt. Answering the why questions should lead us to a stronger understanding of what we truly believe.
I am so thankful that I have Greg. I am so thankful that I have my children. I honestly do not know what I would do without them....except sleep...I would sleep. I am thankful for family, friends, coffee & grace.
Lucy Grace has started saying something new. almost every morning while stirring her "PICK" of the flavored oatmeal, she says, "Mommy, this is the best day of my life." Oh to be that thankful. To open a box of variety oatmeal, where only Peach has been left to choose, and to still think that this is the BEST day of your life- that is real gratitude.

Ft Worth Stock Yards

Abby's 4th grade class went on a field trip to the Ft Worth Stock Yards yesterday. It was undoubtedly the best field trip that I have had the privilege to be a part of. If you go- you MUST pay $8 per person for the guided tour & request Peggy. She was great. It is well worth it!

I have been here (in Texas DFW area) and never knew most of the history that was shared in the tour. It is an understatement to say that I liked this trip. Probably one of the most interesting things was the auction. This was really incredible to see. Lots of $$.

I highly encourage everyone to take this trip. I think Greg and I may go back in December....without all the little munchkins.

Well, it's 10:00...

Sundays are my favorite day of the week. A run down of what this day usually looks like for me: Get up around 7:30 a.m. (compared to the 6 a.m. alarm I'm hitting Monday thru Friday) Eat, drink coffee, read the paper...etc. I make the girls lay all of their clothes that they are going to be wearing to worship out on our dining room table the night before. dresses, shoes, underwear, glasses...anything that goes on their body HAS to be on that table. I do not want to get into "it" before we go to worship. :) After they are dressed i then begin my "dress" ritual. we usually walk out the door around 10:00. Pick up a girl down the street and head to Westminster. Today we had a guest preacher who will be leaving for India soon with his wife and children. His sermon was very convicting as well as thoughtful and motivating. After worship we had our third Sunday lunch. everyone stays for this. it is truly one of the highlights of our families month. my kids absolutely love this lunch. on a normal Sunday, when we have no obligations (i.e.- bday parties, showers, etc) we come home and the rest of the day we are free. since my husband pastors and works a part-time job also, Sunday afternoons until we go to sleep Sunday night are literally the only time during the week that we are not "somewhere" else. the work of the pastor is weight-bearing. i am shocked at times to hear the grumblings and mumblings of parishioners. i am reminded of the saying, " if you have spent an hour in prayer over something - the elder in your church has spent three hours in prayer over that same thing." what is meant by that is : they do not approach their office, calling or position flippantly. i know, because i am his wife, that my husband eats, thinks, prays, breaths, studies, & feels the responsibility of his parish. all of that to say- on Sunday afternoons, he has just finished a sermon that he has spent a week or more preparing and he has not yet begun to "engage" with his sermon for the next week. so, we are usually free to hang out with friends, watch a movie, go to rockwall or on a date. fun, lazy stuff. today was different.
this month we have had 4 birthdays. no lie- it is like Christmas for everyone in this house EXCEPT for me and the 7 year old. EVERYONE else gets to look forward to Party Month. today, Sunday, we surprised my, now 38 year old, husband with an overnight get away. he and 2 of his closest friends went to Big D to stay in a hotel, go out and eat and I'm certain- smoke cigars. he was so excited. i know I'm crazy...because...i had two extra kiddos staying at our house tonight (because their parents got tickets to the cowboy's game and i couldn't say no because the stadium is awesome and i would want to go to that!) so- i left lunch today, ran to a bday party that started at 1:00 and lasted till 3. came home and the kiddos had just arrived. kissed my husband goodbye. swapped my van for my friends suburban. took the pizza orders from kids who think that i care what their "favorite kind of pizza is", cleaned messes, gave baths, gave meds, put kids to bed everywhere, and now i am wasting my life away on the computer. my kitchen looks like a scene from Hoarders. A family of rodents could live off of the popcorn and pepperoni that is on the kitchen floor. yet i remain calm. drinking coffee, fully loaded, looking at the open dish washer filled with clean dishes...wondering, "when was the last time i cleaned that ceiling fan?"
there is a couple in our church that brings home grown garden veggies to everyone every Sunday. i love this for so many reasons. one reason is because it is a deliberate act of love & kindness. this is a man of few words but big actions. a real servant. i told someone one day, jokingly ,that i could picture myself dressed like a pilgrim taking a squash and saying slowly, like a quiet puritan woman, "Thank you for the bounty, sir." (maybe it's better described as an english, dicken's type accent. why is this aspect so important to me???) there are literally 3 huge bowls that i am looking at right now, in my kitchen, of peppers, tomatoes, and pears. i seriously have to think of something to make and of neighbors to share with because they will not last long.
my great aunt who is in a nursing home, not for much longer though thanks to my mom, has truly struggled with life as of late. her whole life she has had the ability and the means to come and go at her will. her mind is pretty good but her body is failing her. the ability to hold her self upright, walk unassisted and drive are no longer options that she has. she has seen the "glory days" of her life.
as i think back over today, and the monotony that seems to loom around the other 6 days, i really do want to engage the "fullness" of it. i want to plunge into the deep end of "this" thing. kids everywhere, ripped hole in my chair, fingernail polish remover spill on my dining room table, crack in my tile, black paint hand prints in my hall, spankings, threats, kids spitting (man- it sounds like i live in a meth house).
one day when life rips it all away from me....when i am almost 80 and i have "used it up"...i want to genuinely, thankfully and graciously say, "Thank you for the bounty, Sir!" (minus the pilgrim garb)

"you're courage ask me what i'm afraid of..."

i have been thinking a lot about the ordinary christian life. i believe that, in order to be consistent, my life should mirror that of Christ. i just finished reading, fields of the fatherless, by Thomas Davis. my friend, Christi, let me barrow it and i read it in about a day. at the same time, i have been listening to Sara groves' song, i saw what i saw, about her trip to Rwanda. i have never visited Rwanda. i have been to India, Amsterdam, Mexico & Houston. however, this song immediately took me back to my first day in a child protective services waiting room. i remember these three kids who came in to meet their mom for a visit. they waited and waited. finally the foster mom took them aside and told them that she hadn't shown up, she comforted them and they left. i think that was the moment that i changed. it "cut me to the soul". i think that it was then that i realized that i must choose go to "the hard place". i think in our consumeristic society we have lost touch with eternal realities. we would not need short-term mission trips if we were living "with" the poor, the orphan, the widow & the stranger. please know that i am not criticizing short-term ministry projects, i just think that somehow their has been a shift that has made these the norm as opposed to us actively seeking life among these that Christ lived among. i in know way feel like i have attained this type of life. i am, however, trying to push myself to detox from familiarity and comfort & deconstruct my rituals. i am trying to look for people who are uncommon to me, engage people who look different than i do, seek out the stranger, the lonely and to help the widow and the orphan in their distress. i think that many of us give up too fast. we try to "change" but because of the mechanical akwardness we feel in the beginning we stop. we have to push through. wedenesday night we read this passage in ezekial 16:49, "Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy." romans 12:16 says, "live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. never be conceited." deuteronomy 10:18-19, "He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing. love the sojourner, therefore, for you were sojourners in the land of egypt." we must ask ourselves why we are investing in the things, places, institutions and people that we are investing in. how are we measuring our success? how are we defining success? i have been wrestling with all of these thoughts. choosing to live the ordinary christian life is counter-cultural. it is tiring and revealing. to end with the words of sara groves:

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
(what I am made of)
and what I know of love

we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution

Something on the road, touched my very soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something on the road, touched my very soul

Something to think about-

http://blog.sojo.net/2009/06/08/education-in-color/

Parenting the Hurt Child

This is the title of one of the books that we purchased this weekend at The Greater Houston Adoption and Orphan Care Conference. The conference was informative, encouraging, motivating and convicting.
I am always intrigued by the people that the Lord has us cross paths with. Josh and Amy Bottomly, who co-authored the memoir, From Ashes to Africa, spoke in the same room as us the hour before. Josh did a wonderful job reminding me of the powerful ability that one person has to "bring order to chaos". Josh and Amy have partnered with The Red Letter Campaign(I also met Sam and his wife, Wendi, who started this campaign with a goal of raising $50 K and to date have raised $750 K) and Children's Hope Chest "to form an online community that sponsors three orphanges in Addis Ababa." What an encouragement, motivation and kick in the butt to "do something"...anything but nothing. I have honestly not thought too much about over seas adoption. I think that I am too lazy. It embarrasses me to say that, however, that is what I see when I look in the mirror. To adopt overseas can be a lengthy, expensive, pain-staking endeavor. I am praying that I would be able to have a hand in bringing change to some of these impoverished areas, for these impoverished people.

"...fourty two thousand children were adopted from foster care alone in 1999. There were sixteen thousand adopted from countries oversees. Almost all of these children have suffered trauma, be it movement from home to home, by parent or orphanage care, or abuse. Some of these children have fragile genetics. Many others were bathed in alcohol and drugs before birth.. Some were left on porches, and more than a few were recovered from trash containers or rescued from homes in which most rooms appeared to be a trash container." (pg.9) "Whether a child's mother left him in China due to socio-political reasons- or if he was dumped in a U.S. high school bathroom because his mother was terrified to tell anyone about her pregnancy- the end result is the same: the infant was abandoned by the woman who gave him life." (pg.15)
I remember reading excerpts like those pre-adoption and thinking, "Man, these people are really reaching. The kid didn't even have solid memories- there is no way that all of these "issues" can be pinned on abandonment & loss." Today, I think differently.
Things are not the way they are suppose to be.
When a new mom jumps at every whimper of her pink, fragile, baby- God smiles. "Children are a blessing from the Lord."
When a father boast to his neighbor about his son's accomplishments - God applauds."This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased."
When a mom or dad works all day, and sometimes all night, to take care of the child that has been entrusted to them - God blesses. "I have been young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread."
The sad truth is that this is not the reality for thousands of infants, babies & children. What a scary time to be born into the world.
Foster care, adoption & orphan care can create a messy "life". I have to be honest, I do not think that every one should adopt. I do not believe that every one should foster. I do not believe that every one should move overseas to live at the orphanage. I think that there are some people that can handle fostering better than orphan care- and their are others that are up for the task of adoption.
However, I do believe that all three of these are our responsibility. In some way- we must help the family that fosters. In some way- we must care for the traumatized children and minister to the shell shocked families who are raising them. In some way- we must walk along side those who have moved to Ethiopia to care for the 10 year old orphan and her 4 younger siblings.
God, help us.

Blog in Motion

i am going to try and post before the weekend! what a crazy life...field trips, presentations for 1st grade classes, presentations for high school students....stop the train and let me get off. i have something i'm working on- hopefully i can complete it!

New Life

I have had an interesting couple of days. I'm not sure what I was expecting when I signed up- and as far as that goes, I'm still not sure what to think. Yesterday and today I got to speak to a couple of health classes at the high school. I was working on my Master's in Public Health when my life was re-directed. I have always wanted to have my hand in this field because most of the voices there tend to be a little more liberal than mine. I think it's good to have balance. After volunteering at Thomas Street for over a period of about five years, and engaging in dialogue with people whose views on life are as opposite of mine as one can conceive, the flame was fanned to greater heights. I do believe that being involved in the foster care system & CASA is another way to make a difference. But the past couple of days have been what I was preparing for.
Worldview is something that most high school students never think about. It is like air to them. They rely on it without thinking about it. They trust it- even though they can't explain it. And they defend it -however illogical it may be. It is necessary that the kid thoughtfully consider why and how she draws her conclusions, agrees to her presuppositions and makes her life-altering decisions. Before I became a parent I spent most of my time with kids their age. After high school, while I was still in college, I worked with teenagers. I am still amazed that parents let me take their children on trips, over-night excursions and teach them in a structured setting-about life, the Bible, other people & our relationships with them, for about 4 uninterrupted hours a week. I am glad that their are adults who truly care about "making a difference" in the lives of youth. For the most part they need all of the good advice that they can get. That being said, I think that teenagers have the capacity to think deeply, reason logically and love deeply. However, we live in a society that demands little of them, labels their disrespect as individuality and "dumbs down" any potential "life altering" conversations that we might actually engage in with them.
The opportunity that I had was to speak to them concerning worldview, abuse & pornography. The discussion, I felt, was very honest, revealing and interesting. EVERY girl, All of them, said that one day they wanted the person that they marry to be "hard working". That was interesting to me because they wrote their "List of Top 5" privately. I would love to see some type of "generational trend" research concerning this. (I made a list when I was in high school of what I wanted in a husband and that never crossed my mind. I think I said something like: 1. he has to be blonde 2. he has to be a cowboy. 3. he has to be casual....nevermind.) I know that I said college graduate. NONE of them said that. When speaking to a lady in my church who is 80 on Sunday, she said that she used that exact phrase (hard-working) when she was growing up to describe what she desired. "Why?" I asked. She said, "Because my dad was so sorry." Anyway, I digress. Only two of the girls out of 22 said that they were not allowed to date because "their parent were over-protective." All of the girls said that their parents needed to meet the person that they were going out with, however, none of them said that their parents actually asked the "potential" date any questions. They just wanted to know who he was before their daughter got in the car with him.

So glad He bought this...

Greg ordered this book and we started reading it tonight. I love it. It is no secret that I am a fan of Dr. Voddie Baucham. This book is for everyone. Very motivating.

And They All lived Happily Ever After...

Ellie had a GREAT 7th birthday. ABG Family Fun Zone did a splendid job!!! I highly recommend them. After all was said and done, Ellie was pumped to have a wad of money. We walked around the SUPERPLEX for an hour and a half...until she settled on something that will change our lives forever. A SNOWCONE MAKER.

Daddy's Girl

Happy 7th Birthday, Butterfly.

My Baby Girls

The One of Whose Name We Do Not Speak -(#2 in the series of "Who inspires me?")

We do not speak her name because she has asked us not to...not until our daughter turns 18. By "our daughter" I am speaking of hers & ours...Zoe. Zoe's birth family is, in many ways, alot like ours. Zoe is the fourth child in her family. She is our fourth child. Her biological siblings are 9, 7, & 4. Her three sisters are 9, 7 & 4. Her mothers truly loves her.

I remember when I heard that her mom had named her. I felt very threatened. "I thought she didn't want her." I yelled from the kitchen. I feel so much shame in typing that. So embarrassed and exposed that my thoughts were on myself at all. I am ashamed that I thought, "She didn't want her." Zoe's mom held her and was there for her. She carried her even though she knew that she would not raise her. I am so thankful that she did not kill her.

“Abortion is so critical to us, because this is essentially a genocide. According to the census of 2006, African Americans are reproducing below replacement level, which is 2.1 children per household, and we are now at 1.9. We need to turn this around quickly, because over 1,400 African-American babies are aborted every day. That’s going in the wrong direction.” - Walter B. Hoye II, executive elder of Progressive Missionary Baptist Church of Berkeley.

She looked for an agency that would place her child with a loving family. She filled out the book they call "intake". She went to her doctor appointments. She named her...she thought through what she wanted to name her and she wrote it on the birth certificate. Do you know what that will mean to Zoe one day. She wasn't in a hurry to "get this thing over with". Yes, we named her also.

The first time I saw Zoe, we went to the foster family's home. Dawn, her foster mom, was at Zoe's birth. I will be eternally grateful to her for being there to care for Zoe when we could not. Meeting my baby for the first time at 2 weeks old was one of the most surreal experiences of my life. Greg and I left that day, after our initial meeting, without her. We knew that she was ours- but we couldn't have her yet. Let me just speak to this- it is a very difficult place to be. For those of you who have a hard time understanding this- try to remember what it was like the day you found out that you were pregnant. 9 months seems like a life time. Now try to imagine leaving your child at the hospital and going to visit for the next two, three, for some 18 months. By the time Zoe finally got home- she was 2 months old. Dawn is still in our lives and I hope that she always is. All of these people: Zoe's birth mom who named her, Dawn, the foster mom, who held her and fed her, Charles, the foster dad, who called her "Lovey", Generations Agency that didn't overlook us because we were white and unable to withdraw thousands of dollars from our checking account (notice I did not say "savings account"), The Deacons at Redeemer Presbyterian who paid for our legal fees because "this is a church issue." ...they are tangible portraits of the grace of God- not just for Zoe- but for us...all of us. All of this is because Zoe's mom loved her.

Dear ___________________,
I hope to meet you one day. I hope that you will pleased with us. I know that you must wonder everyday where she is. I pray for you. I pray that you will feel how happy she is. Did you know that she lays in the floor every single day, like clock work, and belly laughs for 15 minutes. She has to release it. Her favorite song is "In Christ Alone" by the Getty's. She calls it "Christ of Christ". Did you know that she is overwhelmed by love. I think that you would be so happy that she has beads in her hair. I can hear her turning over now, her beads are hitting against each other. I heard that your hair is beautiful and that you are gorgeous and tall. She has really straight, white teeth and an intoxicating smile. She shares a room with her older sister and they have matching quilts. She is very smart, extremely verbal and loves to hug. I want you to know that she will love you. She will probably think about you one day as much as you think about her. I want you to know that I will tell her how grateful to God I am for you and that she should be also. I know that she will be inspired to live a life that is bigger than herself- because of your example. Know that we love you- because you are a part of our little Zoe.
Until our paths cross,
Tracey

My two front teeth...

Ellie is such a sweet girl. She is quiet- but courageous. She is adventurous, tenderhearted & toothless! I have been waiting for Ellie to loose both of her teeth at the same time. I love toothless kids.

It's not because my children are black.

I am not on a campagin against racism simply because 2 of my children are black.
I am on a campaign against racism because, as a Christian I believe, we are all created in the image of God.
I do not believe that Adam and Eve were white Americans.
I believe that all that God created is an expression and reflection of Himself to point us back to Him.
I do not believe that "unequally yoked" is in reference to whites & blacks.
I welcome any color in my home- "from all tribes and peoples and languages".
I am on a campaign against racism because 2 of my children are white and they never think about their skin. They never feel left out because of it. They never think that everyone is looking at them or that no one will choose them because of their color.
I am on a campaign to be a logical thinker.
I do not think that a bi-racial child will "have a hard time" -simply because they are bi-racial.
I am not concerned about the color of skin that my son-in-law's will have. I am happy that no one can figure out "what my husband is".
I am white. Two daughters are white. My husband and one daughter are carmel. My baby is brown. I love a man who is a Jew. Some of my deepest friendships are with international transplants...who happen to be dark skinned.
I strive to be patient with people who do not "try" to engage those who are different than themselves. I think that we must pray, engage, work to build true friendships with, and love those who are different from us.

Greg Fields

I am on my third attempt to begin this post. Greg and I have been married for thirteen years. We only dated for seven months when he asked me to marry him. I knew that I was going to marry Greg the day that I met him. It was confirmed to me by my dad. On Greg's last night in Greenville, after teaching a Disciple Now in my parents home, I decided to take him on a tour of Greenville. We had just driven up to the the top of the old Cadillac Hotel and as we were driving back down, my bag phone rang. It was Woody wondering where we were and what time we were coming back to their house. I told him that we were just out driving around and he said, "Well, I can't go to sleep until you get back- I know he's the guy that you are going to marry." So, we went home...
One of the first qualities I saw in Greg that was attractive to me- yet also frightening - was his honesty. Even to his detriment he was fiercely honest. Raw & unedited. He was never bothered or concerned by what others thought about him. He shared about past failures, sinful patterns, emotional hang-ups and obsessive tendencies. Don't confuse this with people who "have no filter". The way he shared was beautiful to me. He had the passion of Peter and the heart of John. He had the voice of Ezekial and the doubts of Thomas. At the time that we met, I was on staff at a church. If any of you have ever served in any type of leadership capacity then you know that most of the people who are suppose to be following you- do not really like honesty. They like to hold you in a nice, ordered package. They, for the most part, like predictable behavior and solid, bold answers. I met Greg about a year after he had returned from Desert Storm. He had recently broken off an engagement and was trying to decide what he wanted to be as a grown-up. He was so real. I saw him coming a mile away. He was so different to me. His honesty inspired me then and his honesty inspires me now.
I am also inspired by the way he "wrestles to understand" an idea and how he seeks to truly interact, discuss and engage the given topic. This is not his natural bent. Greg would, on many occasions, rather watch a movie, go hang out with friends or sleep. The difference, that I have observed with him, in comparison to myself and others, is that he does not easily give into his desire to be entertained. He will do the work necessary to comprehend. I am inspired, encouraged and challenged by his unwillingness to give up "when his brain hurts" and his eyes are tired.
I am constantly inspired and moved by his patience. Greg is a great dad. He has the ability to "suffer-long" and sleep-little. With our four girls there is rarely a night that one of them, if not two, are in need of something. One is either scared, or sick, or wet or cold. He never complains about this aspect of "the job". He is very rarely in a hurry when he tucks them in, he is slow and thoughtful when he reads and talks with them in the evenings and he is much "slower to anger" than I am! He listens, questions and thinks. He shepherds, nurtures and comforts. I am inspired by his patient care of his family. He sees himself as the responsible head of his home and works hard to protect it.
(I could go on for hours, literally. However, these three seem to rise to the surface.) I am thankful, that I get to live "upclose" with Greg. I am happy that I get to watch him, learn from him and hang out with him everyday. (...and scream outloud together when Jack Bauer escapes with Tony Almeda from the FBI !!!)

So, not to sound like a cliche...

Over the next couple of weeks I am going to attempt to post on those who inspire me. I will divide these into different catagories- that define the reasons for inspiration. Due to lack of time...I am going to write about this person later this evening...
Not to sound like a cliche but....My husband, Greg, inspires me in so many ways. This is a thoughtful blog so I do not want to rush or cram...more to come.
I love you, Greg.

My favorite gift...

A New Year

So, I hate to even post this next line, but here I go: My new years resolution is to blog consistently. I fear is that I am setting myself up for public scrutiny. However, I haven't written in so long that there is probably no "public".

I have had a question floating around in my head for the past several weeks. It drifts from side to side like a bubble in a pinball machine. The question is,"Who inspires me?" I think that there is an answer...that is not difficult to find. However, I know that my values will be revealed when the question is answered. I don't really care too much about how others view my values, my convictions or my passions. I have a hard time seeing them.

I remember taking all of these personality profiles and assessments when I was an undergraduate. I would answer all of these questions, about myself, through my own distorted lense, by my own assesment of myself- and this test was suppose to "define" me. It was going to tell me what I should aspire to be and what I type of person I was to marry- all based on my perception of myself. I soon came to realize that I have a very biased view of me.

So in asking the question, "Who inspires me?" I must ask myself "What do I value?" Who do I look to as a model, an example, a pioneer in all that I desire to be and accomplish. What do I want the painting to look like when I sign my name at the bottom? This is about value discovery and a hard look at myself and others.

I am excited about splitting hairs to discover what I really want and the romanticized idea of what I say I live for. I think that I will need to ask some close friends, family and my kids what they see that I am living for. I think that there are times when those outside of us have a truer understanding of who we really are than we ourselves. This should be interesting.