rest.

it was so nice to get to go away this weekend with a friend. i actually slept through the night last night. my kids are not great sleepers. it seems like every night i am awakened by at least one of them. it's not fun. however, as they get older they seem to make up for all of their lost sleep and want to hibernate for days. as i am reflecting on the past two days i am thoughtful of tomorrow. as believers, we begin our week with Rest. yes, we start our week with Rest and we live the remainder of the week with an eye and heart to "entering our Rest" again with the approaching week. REST. it means so much to me right now. when i was growing up, different leaders would say, "you come to church to perform for an audience of One." i understood that they were saying, "don't worry about others around you. just worship the Lord who sees you." the problem, however, is this- We come to Worship to see God perform. He is speaking. He is giving us gifts (communion, baptism, community). His Glory is on display. We even worship as receivers. Thanks be to God! So tomorrow morning, as you get the kids dressed, fed, listen to the arguing that comes naturally in families, grab your coffee, and as you run out the door, remember- it is worth it. Why? Because the God of the universe, the One who formed you and chose you, says, "Come unto Me & I will GIVE you REST."

mixed emotions

happy & weird. we are so happy for one of our girls who heard her birth mom's voice for the first time in her life yesterday. she said, "i'm a little nervous since i've never met her in my...well...entire life...ever." if you are a parent imagine what it would be like to hear your baby's voice for the first time as a 9 year old. it's a little overwhelming to think about. it was a sweet conversation. when her mother answered the phone i said, "she's a little nervous to talk to you...ok? but she's just going to ask you a bunch of questions. are you o.k.," i asked. "Well, i'm nervous too." she said. i handed our daughter the phone before i lost my composure. it is a little surreal to hear your child tell the God-ordained woman, who chose to give her life and not abort her, that she "would need to ask her parents before she could meet her face-to-face." it's such a messy world. but thanks be to God that He is already all we need. sad. we are so sad for another daughter who was crushed by her own sadness in realizing that her birth mom is not in a place where she can make contact right now. she pretended for a moment that she was her birth mom and tried to imagine why she was unable to make this connection. "maybe she's scared," she said. "maybe she has other kids." "maybe she..." she searched for reasons. "what do you think we can do about this?" her daddy asked. "maybe we can pray for her." she stated -feeling defeated and alone. "maybe we can call the agency again." sounding a tad more hopeful. the sad fact, however, is that she knows that their is a mom- her mom-that she has never seen. as she, my insightful 7 year old, says, "imagine you were born and you never got to open your eyes and see her face." those words, from her, make my heart implode. heavy and crushing. no matter the circumstances...i wish she could see her. there is no way to prepare yourself for the emotions that you feel on the journey of adoption. you can prepare for it about the same way you prepare for a traumatic birthing/c-section experience. a lot of techniques and ideas. they are helpful but still lacking. we are doing things now that we swore we would never do. why? because it is best for our children. inconvenient? yes. messy? yes. best? yes.

Let's have lunch.

(This is a little difficult to read-for some reason it is not saving my spacing and paragrahs! sorry...it all smashed together! BOO!) Many arguments have flooded my mind this week. There have been numerous discussions amoung my peers, around the table, in the aisle of the market and on the phone. I have been wondering what I would really feel free to write once i sat in front of this computer. I have yet to find a topic that people are more opinionated on than home education. I have to be honest: For the life of me, I cannot figure out why this is such a hot topic. As i sit here, legs crossed, in the middle of my couch, i am staring at pictures of my five children. Three of these are children that my husband and I sought out. We took hours of classes, spent alot of money for homestudies and took cpr/first aid classes. We went through state agencies to secure their adoptions. WE are their parents. Our other two have benifitted from the education that we received through this process. So, all of their little faces are gazing upon me as i write this. They are ultimately our responsibility. We never intended on home-educating our children. In fact I remember using words like, "cruel, unnatural, and isolating" in regard to this idea. I have heard words such as, "weird, dorky, anti-social, and a**holes" as of late. The idea seems to infuriate some and baffle others. Why would someone choose this form of education? Why would someone deny their child access to the public system and the opportunity to interact with other kids and diverse ideas? This blog will not address any of those questions. We have chosen the responsibility of educating our children in the way that we think is best for all of them. So have you. If you are a parent your child's education is your responsibilty. You may not give it much thought. You may think that you're doing the only thing that you can do. You may not care. You may be thrilled and content with what you have chosen...Great! It is your responsibilty. We have had our children in every scenario and have had good experiences in all of them. Our reasons for home-educating are far more complex than thinking "we can meet all of our child's needs." Here is the issue: What compells an individual to give their unsolicited opinion, to me, about my decision to educate my children at home? It happens almost weekly. Teaching your children at home is not what you think. Yes, we have a plan. We have a curriculum. We complete our work and we grade our work. But we, my family, do not sit in desk. Where do your children sit when they do their homework? Well, it functions quite the same way in our house. Ellie has her 2 week assignment sheet for all of her studies. English, Math, Reading & Writing. She is also reading a book and taking notes on Texas History. She is slowly working her way through a Classical Cursive book that i am forcing her to complete. :) sound familiar? Her current library series is "A Series of Unfortunate Events". Most of her work is done in her room, under her loft bed, with her laptop. She is also in gymnastics. Abby is home three days a week and attends a university model school two days a week. She is currently in Worldviews, Latin 1 (which includes History) & Math. She is reading The Deadliest Monster - which compares and contrast the two previous books, Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Frankenstien. Next year she is registered for Latin 2, Pre Algebra and Spanish 1. She will begin Omnibus, through veritaspress.com with several other friends in the fall. She is in competitive cheer and DI. In many ways, she is just like your 13 year old. She is learning how to interact with the world. She is insecure about her height and she gets her braces off next week. The only difference is that she does her school work in a different venue. She usually sits at her desk, in her room, facing a big window. She has her own computer too - which has served us well. She burns the midnight oil weekly completing projects or preparing for test. The little girls (1st & 2nd grade) do exactly what you imagine. We read, read, read. We write, sing, color & cook. They play together all day. We meet with two other families every Monday for Geography and Missions. My goal with all of the girls, has always been, for everyone to be on target by 3rd grade. IF this is a reasonable goal for them. We usually sit at the dining room table for writing & Math. However, Lucy Grace likes to open all of the blinds on the 4 tall windows surrounding my bed and lay there, in the sun, to read. She has just started Charlott's Web. Why do I tell you all of this? I feel that their is a HUGE misunderstanding about what is, or is not, going on in the homes of home-school families. My kids have been interrogated in the grocery store, by other shoppers usually, about what they are doing in school. I am not saying that it is wrong to ask my kids if they are reading a fun book- but don't start quizzing them in the line at Walgreens. GEEZ! Don't assume that we are not doing anything -because most of our work can be completed in 3 hours. That leaves the remainder of the day for other things. My children are not geniuses and I am not a super mom because of this choice. It is okay if you have a strong opinion about "homeschoolers" because you had a "bad experience with some of them." The truth is: I have had bad experiences with public school kids AND private school kids AND home-school kids. However, when you tell me, in passing, where your kids go to school - i do not say, "Oh I don't agree with that!" really? on what planet does that make sense? I am not living for you. I have a friend who is of a different political persuasion than me. What i DID NOT say to her was, "How can you be that stupid? I don't agree with you being part of that Party. HOW can you be a Christian and support these people?" Rather, I asked if we could have lunch so that she could give me some insight into her way of thinking. Show me how SHE was viewing this. I would welcome an invitation like that any day. Maybe...just maybe....your view of education has been too narrow. it amazes me when traditional, brick & morter schools, switch to ipads or off campus educational options, it is viewed as innovative. lots of home-educated kids have been doing this for years and it's been looked at as "not good enough". We live in mobile, globally connected world. we are no longer an isolated, little, house on the prarie. not that their is anything wrong with that! we are contributing, active members of society who take education & community connected-ness seriously. We do not all home-school the same way or for the same reasons. Homeschooling is considered a private education in the State of Texas. That means that we are autonomous and choose our own curriculum. That means that if i am using a specific curriculum and i then place my child in a different school setting where a different curriculum is being used - my child will probably need time to adjust. It does not mean that they "don't know what they are doing BECAUSE they were homeschooled." Enough is enough. Some homeschool parents could say the same about their child's education after bringing them home from a traditional classroom. Let's try to believe that everyone is trying to do what they think is best for their child. It is not merely an indictment on your choice because I choose something different. If I HAD to narrow it down to our top 3 reasons for homeschooling they would be....

Catch up.

I have not posted in over a year. i have never typed those words before. i am constantly proofing commentary in my head...i feel like Will Ferrell in Stranger Than Fiction...constantly hearing the narration of his events. i have absolutely no idea why i am like this. maybe it is becaure i love being part of a Story. i mean...it amazes me that there is purpose and connection in everthing. Amos was adopted on my 40th birthday. wow. he is now 2 years old and into everything.shortly after his adoption everything seemed to go haywire for a while. ellie, my now 11 yr old, began a year of hospitalization. she was in Childrens Hospital 12 times in a year for 3-6 day stays at a time. we have since discovered that she has a genetic mutation. one little gene...that should produce a protien to protect her pancrease against pancreatitis...does not. she is on medicine now and has been home for 2 months. needless to say- we are beyond thankful. Life has gone from fast to furious since our oldest turned from 12 to 13. all of the activities and "well-rounding" can develop a life of it's own. pulling the reigns in and letting them out is a dance that we are learning like every other parent our age. i am so thankful that we are with her during the day, everyday. she does attend a university model school, two days a week, that has been such a blessing for the past two years. her DI team will go to Globals in about 3 weeks. i am really proud of her for working so hard. my two little girls are growing up too fast. lu & zoe are passionate about everything! i must say, they keep us all on our toes. they are such a joy. We are enjoying the day to day. We are loving our church...and God has blessed it with growth, families & life. we are busy all of the time. life with 5 kids is everything that you can imagine and more. we are very blessed. i cannot imagine life without any of my children. I am excited about several upcoming opportunities to teach on foster and adoptive care. because we live this in HD...i love the opportunities to share about our experience. God has really stretched me this year. He has, in many ways, shown me a crisper picture of my desire to hold on to "goods and kindred". i am ashamed of my lack of trust. i see my need for Him more clearly this year than the last.