rest.

it was so nice to get to go away this weekend with a friend. i actually slept through the night last night. my kids are not great sleepers. it seems like every night i am awakened by at least one of them. it's not fun. however, as they get older they seem to make up for all of their lost sleep and want to hibernate for days. as i am reflecting on the past two days i am thoughtful of tomorrow. as believers, we begin our week with Rest. yes, we start our week with Rest and we live the remainder of the week with an eye and heart to "entering our Rest" again with the approaching week. REST. it means so much to me right now. when i was growing up, different leaders would say, "you come to church to perform for an audience of One." i understood that they were saying, "don't worry about others around you. just worship the Lord who sees you." the problem, however, is this- We come to Worship to see God perform. He is speaking. He is giving us gifts (communion, baptism, community). His Glory is on display. We even worship as receivers. Thanks be to God! So tomorrow morning, as you get the kids dressed, fed, listen to the arguing that comes naturally in families, grab your coffee, and as you run out the door, remember- it is worth it. Why? Because the God of the universe, the One who formed you and chose you, says, "Come unto Me & I will GIVE you REST."

mixed emotions

happy & weird. we are so happy for one of our girls who heard her birth mom's voice for the first time in her life yesterday. she said, "i'm a little nervous since i've never met her in my...well...entire life...ever." if you are a parent imagine what it would be like to hear your baby's voice for the first time as a 9 year old. it's a little overwhelming to think about. it was a sweet conversation. when her mother answered the phone i said, "she's a little nervous to talk to you...ok? but she's just going to ask you a bunch of questions. are you o.k.," i asked. "Well, i'm nervous too." she said. i handed our daughter the phone before i lost my composure. it is a little surreal to hear your child tell the God-ordained woman, who chose to give her life and not abort her, that she "would need to ask her parents before she could meet her face-to-face." it's such a messy world. but thanks be to God that He is already all we need. sad. we are so sad for another daughter who was crushed by her own sadness in realizing that her birth mom is not in a place where she can make contact right now. she pretended for a moment that she was her birth mom and tried to imagine why she was unable to make this connection. "maybe she's scared," she said. "maybe she has other kids." "maybe she..." she searched for reasons. "what do you think we can do about this?" her daddy asked. "maybe we can pray for her." she stated -feeling defeated and alone. "maybe we can call the agency again." sounding a tad more hopeful. the sad fact, however, is that she knows that their is a mom- her mom-that she has never seen. as she, my insightful 7 year old, says, "imagine you were born and you never got to open your eyes and see her face." those words, from her, make my heart implode. heavy and crushing. no matter the circumstances...i wish she could see her. there is no way to prepare yourself for the emotions that you feel on the journey of adoption. you can prepare for it about the same way you prepare for a traumatic birthing/c-section experience. a lot of techniques and ideas. they are helpful but still lacking. we are doing things now that we swore we would never do. why? because it is best for our children. inconvenient? yes. messy? yes. best? yes.