It's almost 2011

So i have done an awful job blogging for the last several months. honestly, we have been a little busy. we have had such a great opportunity to speak at some remarkable events concerning foster care, hospitality, orphan care & racial equality this past year. we very seldom say no to these opportunities because we are truly concerned & driven by the lord to do so. also, in trying to be involved in our community, we have committed to some local "causes" that we are passionate about. advocacy is such a key-phrase that is used today, however, there are some categories of humanity that Christ specifically mentions all throughout scripture- the sojourner, the impoverished, the widow, the orphan (fatherless). we do not have to look far to identify these folks. what is a sojourner? a person who stays for a time in a place or lives temporarily here. as americans, we tend to view investment in what it will yield us. If someone tells you, "I'll only be here 6-8 months" you might be tempted to not give all that you have because you will not be the one to benefit from the fruit of your investment. in leviticus (holy bible) we are told to leave a portion for the sojourner -more than once. truth be known- anything we give has been given to us. we are always giving as receivers. the freedom and blessing in understanding this is transformational. we create space for others in our world. this is not a discussion on boundaries - obviously there are priorities rather it is about not making excuses in community-living. i am raw with awareness since my brother and his family moved 4,952 miles across the ocean. i pray everyday that a family will open their home to them. that a person will help them, teach them, include them and reassure them that they are "seen" and valued.
who are the widows? a man or woman who has lost his or her spouse by death and has not remarried. we all have parents, family members, neighbors, church family members, who are alone. this is where we start. going out of our way to include, care for, have in our home for meals, special occasions, holidays, sunday lunch, shopping, grooming, appointments, taking to them to sonic or starbucks, etc. this is not an easy task. sometimes, most of the time, it is a very mechanistic endeavor. it is one that crushes Me. not all widows/widowers are old. some are younger and full of energy. some are deeply depressed and struggle to survive under the weight of loss and grief. some need to be reminded that they are not forgotten and that someone hears their voice and that someone sees them in their hopeless state. our culture is geared toward couples. we should work to include, befriend and value the single in our world. we were created to live in relationship to one another. i have often thought of a widow that i know, who has a grown child with special needs. she will never have grand children and she will always have her child at home. who will assume responsibility for her child when she dies. how does she deal with the grief of knowing that she will never engage in the "grand-children" discussion with her peers? she has little common ground with anyone, other than her deceased husband. how can we offer hope? how can we engage and include her? what can my children do consistently to shed light on her?
who are the impoverished? those reduced to poverty; deprived of strength, vitality, creativeness, etc. i tend to believe that the impoverished includes those with special needs or mental illness that are lost in society. they are under the care of the state: nursing homes, group homes, or homeless. i feel a real ripping, tug-of-war going on inside of me concerning how we "deal" with these people. we were laughing at a status update from one of our friends the other day who said that he heard some college students call a homeless person a hobo. it made me wonder if that student had any friends or acquaintances who were homeless or hungry. please hear me- this is not an indictment on you if you do not. it is however a plea to "open your eyes". many of the people that we have befriended don't really want anything from us. they usually don't want us to find them a place to live or to try and "fix" there situations. honestly, some of them cannot survive in the everyday maintaining of a stable environment. not always...but that has just been my experience. most just want a friend. they might need help in some scenarios, but not always. some just need friends in the same way that you and i need friends. these relationships can be exhausting - for one person. however, we are called to them- as a people, a body, the church. our church body befriended a man. he lived at our church building for several months, worshiped with us, ate with us at the building and in our homes. cooked meals for us in mutual fellowship, he did his laundry and took his showers in our elders' homes. and one day, he left. and guess what- he stole nothing. he destroyed nothing. he lived and moved on. i wish that he would've stayed and grown with this body, but he did not. was it for not? i think not. i had a brother who was homeless for half of his life and died a homeless alcoholic on the street. my prayer would be that the body of Christ would have made an attempt to be hospitable, compassionate, neighborly and moved by grace to embrace him, care for him and encourage him. he was a believer with numerous addictions and failures. just like me. thanks be to God that i am not homeless and that my addictions have not overtaken me.
who are the orphans? a child who has lost both parents through death, or, less commonly, one parent. according to scripture, it is a child without a father. oh my. we shouldn't have to look far to find an orphan. a man, who i have much respect for, who is retired, has recently started a non-profit to place children of imprisoned parents in stable homes, until they are released. there is a great need for parents in our society. one of my friends, who is single, had a 2 year old placed in her home the week before Christmas. a family that we worship with weekly, after raising their bio children, adopted 10 kids. why not? seriously. why would you not give your life for these? it is a great question that we all should ask ourselves. greg and i have many times discussed this idea. we hear so many people say,"i could never" or "i don't have the room" or "there's no space" or "i don't have the money". in our estimation, most of these are excuses. there are some legitimate concerns to think about, however, most of the time it causes one's brain to hurt to think about all of the re-orienting of their time, the shaving away of their vacation and the energy that they must exert to really invest in the life of another. the understanding that "visit the orphan" that James speaks of is more than just a "visit" as you and i define "visit".
i am wresting with ideas of how to work this yeast into the dough of my girl's lives. project-less living. an issue-free, Christ-centered, gospel- fueled, people-embracing life.
i am a complete failure on all fronts. many times my actions are full and my heart is empty. but the one thing i know is that i was a slave, i was an orphan, i was impoverished BUT God, being rich in mercy, rescued me.

I guess I should...

i guess i should write a little about homeschooling. That is the reason that i began this blog several years ago. obviously i have not commented much on this since august. this year has proven to be more difficult. i have my 11 year old and my almost 9 year old that i am teaching. my 6 year old is in a christian school for now and my 5 year old is home. i absolutely love the reading, history and english that we are using. honestly, i am growing to enjoy the math. my biggest fight, however, is with myself. dying to myself. believe me, i know that i sound like a broken record. i hear my internal dialogue day after day. i need the lord to re-shape me and re-wire my broken hard drive. i must admit that i am in love with the girls that i get to spend my day with. i wish that the rest of my heart was at home all day, however, that has not proven to be the lord's plan for her. the issue is that i feel this pressure...that i must admit- i have absolutely no idea where it comes from. it is like i can loose the day over a moment. a dumb moment. like a four year old kid who didn't get the blue lollipop. God have mercy on me. my goal is to indoctrinate, pass on a passion for missions and service where we are and to teach them to understand how important their role is in the home...not just in the future but now. the one thing that i am sure of is this- my girls love what i love. this is not a lie- they beg me to do history every day. why? because i LOVE history and i love to tell stories. when i enjoy what i am doing with them- they enjoy it too! i hate doing things with people who whine and seemed overly burdened...yet, i see this sin in myself. being a parent, a good parent, is so difficult. but i love it. at family camp this summer a friend of mine said, "there is a difference in 'being there' and 'being with'. Lord, teach me to be with my children. so, as for homeschooling- my third year- it is still a learning process for me. i pray that i will BE who i want them to BE.

Life is LIFE

One of the things that I appreciate about living in a small town is the sense of community. Today the checker at the store told me, "If you get a chance, come back by and we'll talk." I was at an activity for one of my kids and the moms talked back and forth as if they had known each other for years. In fact, they talked about grandparents and sisters that some of us did know. Tonight when I went through the drive thru of a local hamburger place, the girl knew what burgers we wanted and how many. One of my favorite things, however, which I know will seem odd to some, is that people here still pull over for a funeral procession. This afternoon I was flying down the road with all of the windows down, while the kids sang to Camp Rock 2 rejoicing that we were going to buy popsicles, when I was arrested by the police lights and the long white cars which seemed to move in slow motion. I pulled over immediately and turned the radio off. "Kids, get quiet!" I said. "Who died?" they asked. "Some One" I said.

Life is so precious.

I yelled at my kids tonight because I needed peace and quiet.
I prayed too quickly with them when I put them too bed.
I turned on a song to block out the noise.
I made a joke rather than discuss something important.
I pretended to listen to someone today.

I know that I am not perfect. I know that I will do all of these things again...probably tomorrow. But to be engaged in Life...and all of the people who will one day be no more...this is so important. The older I get I seem to think more about how wasteful I am in relationships. Many times I view others only as a means to get what I want. Most of the time I am thinking only of my own comfort. And many times, I just want to be left alone.

Life is so fragile.

I would like to be as sincere as my friend who works at The Dollar Store.
I want to be as compassionate as Jackie at the AIDS Clinic.
I wish I was as unselfish as Tillie.
I want to be as selfless as my husband.
I hope to be as loyal as Ruth was to Naomi.

May we live all the days of our lives.

Learning to Re-learn

I am so impatient. I have noticed that when Abby or Ellie "flounders" to understand a concept...I am so irritated. I know that this has more to do with me than them. I know that I if I were teaching it in a creative way that they could resonate with then the problem would be eliminated. I also know that I am not Wonder Woman. i mean, honestly, some of my frustration is because of their laziness. I am having to be a wall right now. "Do not pass go. Do not collect $25." There are concepts that we are reviewing that should not be as difficult to them- if they would apply themselves. I am having to remember that they are young and that I am the one who volunteered for this. Getting irritated with them accomplishes absolutely nothing. In fact it produces what I do not want. I have to think on their level and try to imagine how they are hearing what I am saying.
In homeschooling, much like adoption, and parenting in general, I get downwind of myself almost daily. My heart is on display with every word that falls from my mouth. When the girls are scrapping Greg is really great at stopping them and saying, "Did you just say that she made you do that?? She didn't make you do anything. You responded out of the overflow of your heart." Wow. Could you not say that again?
Being a parent, homeschooling, dealing with life, a dog, a house that is always in need of re-pair- May all of this reveal a heart that is worshiping and grace filled!

Loosing Me

The most difficult transition for me, concerning parenthood, over the past twelve years has been loosing myself. I have noticed that I have become a very un-opinionated individual concerning "stuff". I really do not care a whole lot anymore about where we eat, if I get to buy a new pair of Tom's or if we watch Discovery or NatGeo. (Now, music is an entirely different subject!) I think that I, concerning our family, am learning slowly but surely, how to let go.
When Abby was 2 1/2 and Ellie was about 4 months, I got a job. "I needed a job so that I felt like I was accomplishing something." It is really comical to me to read that statement now, however, then it was survival. I remember telling Greg that I didn't feel as if I could accomplish one task all day - that I wouldn't have to turn right around and re-do due to the precious 2 year old. So I got a job at Starbucks and believe me, I felt great pride in taking the trash out there, cleaning the store and making drinks that seemed like gold to the customer.
Now, I am busy all day- re-doing what I did the day before. I am washing all of the time. Picking up plates, re-filling milk cups & picking up wet towels. I am building,however, one block at a time, one day at a time, one encouraging word, one "good job", one pat at a time. I have learned that in loosing me I am finding me.
I think that at the beginning of every school year I have to re-focus. I have to preach the Gospel to myself. I must re-new my mind and my will. I am seeing though, by God's grace, what I was unable to see before. My grandchildren need me now, to pour into their mom's. My future son-in-laws are relying on me to train, mold, indoctrinate and teach-how-to-follow, their future wives. I have felt, and now more than ever, the weight of this God-given purpose.

Raising Global Christ Followers

Read this on my brother's blog-

http://disqus.com/forums/kylegoenblog/raising_global_christ_followers_pt2/trackback/

Give to Caesar What is Caesar's

PRICELESS: A Novel on the Edge of the World

So i have been postponing this review in an attempt to get the book back in my hands. The day that i finished my friend, Shannon, who was leaving for vacation called and asked if i would leave the book on my porch for her to pick up. The day that i got the book back- my great aunt, who is 79, took the book to read because she had heard my ranting about it! so- i do not have the book in my possession at this time...HOWEVER, i will REVIEW!
Let me begin by saying that Tom Davis is a phenomenal story teller. I am not easily captivated. i find that i am an easily distracted, mind wandering, Mother of 4. I hate that this consumeristic, entertainment, novel world has shaped me as much as it has. However,this is where his ability to capture the reader comes in. He has a powerful ability to arrest the reader and transport them to a world that is completely foreign. He waste no time and uses no unnecessary explanations or descriptions.
To say that this book is fast-paced is an understatement. It is a dark, suspenseful ride.
The character development is great. Presently i am reading a book that has multiple stories, involving numerous characters and I must say keeping them straight has been laborious. Priceless is the opposite. This work is focused and clear. From the beginning I was intrigued by the accusation that the Church was somehow instrumental in the trading of these young girls for prostitution and slavery. There were times that i was sickened by the underworld of those who should be "rescuing the perishing."
The thing that I appreciate the most about Tom's writing is the capacity that he has to connect the reader with the character. I loved the weaknesses that he exposes in the main character, Stuart Daniels. From the minute this married man reconnects with his Russian contact and ex-girl friend he is aware of his attraction to her. I love that he is faithful to his wife. I love that Stuart is a fringe church member. And that the church where is beginning to re-connect is not one that is considered modern evangelical. Tom is an author that I believe understands his audience- which in turn tells me that he understands people.
This book, as well as Fields of the Fatherless, that he authored and i read last year , truly motivated me. I feel like a dweeb in saying that "they made me want to be more involved" and "i want to help the hurting." So i won't say that. His books make me want to help one person. He rattles my benevolence grid and pushes me to stop seeing wrecked lives as $50 projects. I feel like I have the ability and the resolve to live wholeheartedly for myself. I have the will and fortitude to loose myself in me and all that reminds me of me. Mr. Davis has a way of pressing the pause button on my self indulgent world. Reading his work is like sitting down to a fabulous meal, with fabulous drinks, in a fabulous place, with all of my fabulous people surrounding me and the minute that i am about to engage in my fabulous first bite i make eye contact with the lonely and distraught, orphan prostitute who misses her mom and just needs to borrow my iPhone long enough to call home. His writing reminds me that i must take a step. i must engage with a world that has gone absolutely crazy. when i look into the eyes of the hurting i must see my children, my mother and my brother.

This Book is ...

PRICELESS...

I am extremely pumped about this book.

Can't wait to give you my thoughts on it.

I won't belabor the point...

If someone has children who do not obey and they home school- the issue is not home schooling. The child is disobedient. Maybe the parents are not in control of their children or the child might have a problem that you are unaware of - whatever the case might be - it is a heart issue. What if this child is disobedient at home, however, in the school classroom he/she acts fine & orderly? There is a problem that needs to be addressed. PLEASE stop blaming home education. Sometimes, the problems cease when the child is brought home because the parent is forced to deal with the sin in order to educate their son/daughter. When someone says, "I could never home school Blair because she would argue with me the entire time." There is an issue that needs to be confronted. WHY does Blair argue with the authority that God has placed in her life? WHY not use these opportunities to make Blair look at her own heart and listen to your voice. WHY? Because it is difficult. Are there other scenarios in which these authority lessons can be learned? Sure. However, there is something different that happens in these lessons. So, PLEASE do not blame an entire system of education on bad parenting or misplaced worship. I will not do this to the form of education that you have chosen for your child. Thank you.

Worship - Part 1

This past week I spoke @ MOPS. I have never been to a Mom's of Preschoolers meeting. This was the last formal meeting of the year so they had a guest speaker...me! Multi-generations were represented because the Mom Mentors were also at the meeting. I was given the topic: Balancing It All...which morphed into: Balancing the Right Things. The pre-morph topic felt a little too abstract to me- like using a debit or credit card. In my world those cards seem to represent all of the money in the world available to me. :) So, the Fields' had to switch to the cash system. That is something manageable and measurable to me. It's real and makes sense. That's the post-morph topic: Balancing the Right Things.
1. First Thing First: Worship - In our families, Lord's Day Worship should be a non-negotiable. It is commanded. It is separate from other days. Our whole week should be leading to this pinnacle event. If you want to see your children begin to structure all of life around worship and begin to see them connect and start to depend on their community of faith- start moving toward Sunday.
What does this look like? Let's start with Sunday and work backwards. We get up and get ready for worship. We try to keep this day open so that we can hang out with the people that we worship with. We eat with them, talk about the sermon, share about our week and how God moved on our behalf, our struggles and our sins. See, the believer begins their week with rest! Sunday is the first day of the week. We, in a sense, are entering into our rest at the beginning of every week. Beautiful re-creation! It's the day that we show up to watch God perform.
Now let's back up to Saturday. On Saturday my entire view is toward Sunday. I think about Sunday lunch. What are we having? Who are we having over? I do not commit to things that are going to have me or my family out too late. I plan things that are complete around dinner. We don't do late movies or concerts, sporting events or hanging out with friends till 2 a.m.. After dinner I have everything that my kids need for Sunday worship laid out on the table. That would be: shoes, clothes, glasses, bible, church bag with snacks...etc) and I have breakfast on the bar for the next morning: muffins, donuts, etc. We have to be walking out of the house no later than 9:50 a.m.. Now, let me speak freely. This is when I usually let out a big sigh when I am talking with someone about this because they usually say or think - "That's too much work." Do I even need to go into all of the problems I have with that statement? I see parents bust their backsides to re-pack back packs, pack snacks, fruit break, sign papers, layout clothes for the next day, feed them breakfast and get them all out of the house by 7:30. What one does communicates more than one what one says. They know what the important things are to you. Why do we put that much strain, effort, preparation for things that are not commanded? Why? Why do we delight in those things and not in corporate worship?
Now, let's back up to Friday
- This is the night that we usually plan our late events, late dates, late concerts and late hang outs. Yes, I know that all of these things do not happen on Friday nights. I do not think that the measure of your Christianity hangs on weather or not you go to a James Taylor Concert, that happens to be on a Saturday night. But I will say this- on the night of my Senior Prom my mom & dad allowed me to stay out very late. Very, Very late. After breakfast, my Dad told me to go get ready for church. I knew that the next morning I would be worshiping with my family. Here I sit typing 20 years later. If I am going to run my kids, or myself all day & night, I want to do it on a day when they have the whole next day to rest.
The rest of the week: Thursday, Wednesday, Tuesday and Monday, for us, looks something like this:
On Monday I might say to my girls: Who in our church body can we send a nice card to?
On Tuesday I can say: Who in our church body can we pray for?
On Wednesday I say: Who do we worship with that we can have over for lunch or dinner?
On Thursday: How can our family serve another family?
*note- This might feel mechanical at first.

Some of you are probably thinking, "I don't have time to do this." As a believer, all of life should look something like this. We all have the same amount of time. Hopefully your pot is being stirred a little...Hopefully you're asking, "Why is it SO important to center everything around corporate worship?"

Simply put- Because the Bible tells us too. Where are we on a journey to? ALL of life is a journey that will culminate in full and final corporate worship.
All of life HERE should be a miniature copy of our life THERE. The NOW and the NOT YET.

What would you say your life is centered around now? What needs to change in order for you to have a Sunday view?

(to be continued : 2. Second Thing Second)

The Sunshine State

I am in a state of organization right now. It's May! We are cleaning out all of the old books, clothes and dried up markers. We have so much excess that we are choking. A couple of weeks ago we sacked up five trash bags full of toys. And guess what- we STILL have too many. I have noticed that everything is replaceable. We can get rid of coffee mugs and 6 months later our cabinets are completely full again. Clothes are the worst. No matter how many clothes we give away there always seems to be more than we have room to store. Some of this is because we have four girls so the hand-me-down scene can get to be pretty consuming.
I decided, after much deliberation, to convert the study into a school room. I have drug my feet on this for quite a while. We have made it fine in the past doing school at the kitchen table. Now, however, with both of the older girls using real text and hard resources, we have no choice. Everything needs to be in one location...and that one location is not all over my house. So, we were really excited when we found desk at a local thrift store. We threw them in the truck, came home and the re-vamp began. It has been a painful process. The big girls, who are finished with school for the year, were wishing they had some Math or English to complete. It was rough. We had to move a ton of Greg's books up to the upper levels of the bookshelves, move a bed out of there and of course all of the trash that seems to hide in a room when the furniture has not been moved for 3 years. After this accomplishment- that I must say they did a great job helping with- we started on flipping the older girl's room to the younger girl's room and vice verse. I am glad that I included them in this process because the older they get they seem to appreciate my efforts more when they partake in the difficulty of the task. :) So, needless to say, there are still little piles everywhere. There are batteries, spools of thread, a flip-flop...it's like they've formed this little refugee camp in my hall. They have no place to call home and they're just hanging out...together.
All of this has caused me to feel unsettled. Now, I know, because I payed a lot of money for my Counseling degree, that I do not have to justify why I feel what I feel. But because I never underwent formal counseling, I will explain.
Pulling things out of their "place" and relocating other "things" to make new spots for old stuff causes me to have to make decisions and ask questions. "How much do I have invested in ________________ ? If _____________ means a lot to me then I keep _________________. But in most scenarios I find that most of what I have surrounded myself with is void of any investment. It's just nothing...taking up space....and cluttering my world. That's ____________ depressing. That really causes me to have to take a hard look at what I let enter into my space and consume my time...and believe me- managing stuff can consume ones time. Don't get me wrong...I'm not a hoarder. I'm just a normal Claire Huxtable, June Cleaver, Rosanne, with a house full of kids and a dog. Trying to manage stuff is basically my job. "Where are my shoes?" "Have you seen the keys?" "What happened to all of the pencils?" "Who has my toothbrush?" Saying goodbye to clutter is like an autopsy. "Let's see what we did in the month of April'09? What did we eat, what receipts are we saving from clothes and other junk that were purchased? Where did all of our time get spent?"
I think that it is so beneficial to manage your family & resources well. Most of my kiddos bad habits can be traced back to me. I want them to be able to let go of things that don't really matter in life. However, when I am gripping at them about all of the junk that is laying on their floor- i really do have to take a look at my space!
This week two friends of mine lost their mom to cancer. She had grown up in this town and everyone knew her. For some reason she thought that when she died it would go fairly unnoticed. She had joked with one of her daughters about that. However, the opposite was true. Many came to share their grief with others who expressed the same sentiments. When I called the florist to have an arrangement made the sweet lady said, "She was my husband's first crush when he was 14 years old." History. Lives lived around the same people for decades. Time not wasted on meaningless stuff.
Digging out of the clutter, removing excess baggage, simple living... is like heading to the beach the day after school lets out. I remember the summer after my senior year, I had a little jeep that I loved. In May, right before it gets too hot, the weather is perfect outside. With the top off of a jeep you can experience, truly, one of the most enjoyable rides of your life. Seriously, the evening air is great, the stereo doesn't have to be loud to hear it, but if it is people excuse it because "you're in a jeep." There is one thing that you never, ever, forget when you are driving any type of convertible: you cannot have stuff laying around that is going to fly out. Put it up or throw it away -but it cannot stay on the seat.
As I drive toward the beach, I want to get rid of unused, unimportant, things. Why? So that I have time to invest in real things- people, relationships, activities that produce stronger relationships. The less time I spend managing the excess- the more time I make for myself & others. The less activities, busy work & shuttling to and fro that I do, the more time i have to engage, listen and discuss. I want to live in a calmer state. I know that sounds ridiculous at this stage in my life. It's true, however. I want to live live like I'm leaving for the summer...take out the trash, give the milk & eggs to the neighbor, have a change of clothes and don't forget your bathing suit.

The Prayer of St Francis

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon:
where there is doubt, faith ;
where there is despair, hope
where there is darkness, light
where there is sadness, joy
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen."

Over the past month this prayer has been written in our order of worship...we have also been saying it together in our family worship times. I like to say this prayer for obvious reasons. It cuts against the grain of all that comes natural to me. It has convicted me and produced greater focus in my life. I am a very active person. The flow of people in and out of my home is not something that I begrudge. Actually, it invigorates me. Greg and I have often talked about how we feel that having people in our home has helped our marriage. There are times that while we are in dialogue with others we are hearing each other express thoughts that maybe we weren't understanding when it was just us trying to "discuss" a topic. I have often said, "We're going to give our lives for something- it might as well be people and relationships!" However, when saying this prayer- my eyes have been opened to something...the first sentence.
"Lord, Make me an instrument of your peace."
I am always surprised by the way I can hear things 1000 times and then one day - it is deafening.
I went to buy a dress today. I have two weddings to go to in May. One wedding is in the evening and one is in the afternoon. I have a good friend who is trying to "dress" me for the occasion. All who know me know that I am a fairly "comfortable" dressing individual. So when the time came for this decision to be made- my only input was "I have to look like I didn't try." I hate flashing back to elementary school when my dark jeans with the red balloons on the pockets, matched my red belt and red socks as well as the red ribbons in my pig tails. It was too matchy-matchy. I felt like a K-Mart girl. Like I bought it all as a set from K-Mart. So, that is basically my fashion criteria...it just has to look like I didn't try too hard to make it work and no matching "sets".
In the Gospel of Matthew, we are told "You are the Light." "You are the Salt." Light and Salt? Of all of the great things on the earth that the Creator could've chosen- why these two?
In my estimation - they are natural change agents. They are things that do not have to try. They do their job by being what they were created to be. No thought, No trying, No mouth for talking...just being. Of all the things that HE could have dreamed up to instruct US -it was two objects that exert NO effort at all. They cannot make themselves morph into something else. They cannot appear to be something else. They're just salt & light.
"Lord, MAKE ME an instrument of your peace."
I must admit- I am not sure what this is. I think it is someone who seeks to live in such a way that they right wrongs. I believe that it is someone who lives in such a way that they bring order to chaos. I hope that I am someone that looks for ways to encourage others rather than making them feel stupid. I pray that I can live without so that others might have. Fostering peace, being an "instrument of peace" is something transformational. It is not something that I can just make happen. I tried to be a vegetarian one time...and no lie- at noon I was on the phone with a friend telling her that I had decided to be one and "had started this morning"...and while I was talking to her I was eating a hamburger...I had completely FORGOTTEN! and made a big 'ol side of beef for lunch! That is the honest truth.
"Lord, MAKE ME...
an instrument of your peace."
That is my prayer.

For All of the Skeptics...

Come on...
You know who you are....
It felt like Christmas had come early...
I came home from the soccer game to find two huge boxes on our porch...
Guess what we got...
Our curriculum for next year has arrived!


I am super excited about it! I know that the girls are going to freak out when they see all of these new books. I am excited about the literature and history. I have decided not to use Shurley English. It is a great program - I just do not like it. I have found it to be unnecessarily complicated. I'm not being critical if that's what you use...I just do not care for it. I am using Rod & Staff instead. Nothing fancy- it's just straight forward and gets the job done.

Math:

Good 'ol Saxon

Did I say that I am SUPER excited about all of this?

Latin:



And of course - the Reading...I L.O.V.E. these guides:



And really quickly- History. I never knew that I liked history so much until I started teaching my kids. To be able to tell the story of what happened and then discuss the results that followed - it is a blast.



I know that it is hard to understand if you do not home school, however, I am so happy that I get to do this!

Holy Week

Holy Week (Latin: Hebdomas Sancta or Hebdomas Maior, "Greater Week"; Greek: Μεγάλη Εβδομάδα) in Christianity is the last week of Lent and the week before Easter. It includes the religious holidays of Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday (Holy Thursday) and Good Friday, and lasts from Palm Sunday until, but not including, Easter Sunday -as Easter Sunday is the first day of the new season of The Great Fifty Days. It commemorates the last week of the earthly life of Jesus Christ before his crucifixion on Good Friday and his resurrection on Easter Sunday.

I know several of my family and friends are not Christians, however, for my family this is considered The Holiest Week. This is the week that we remember Christ suffering, reflect on the events that took place and ultimately rejoice in His conquering of Death.

Tomorrow is Sunday. Palm Sunday. According to the Gospels, before entering Jerusalem, Jesus was staying at Bethany and Bethphage, and the Gospel of John adds that he had dinner with Lazarus, and his sisters Mary and Martha. While there, Jesus sent two disciples to the village over against them, in order to retrieve a donkey that had been tied up but never been ridden, and to say, if questioned, that the donkey was needed by the Lord but would be returned. Jesus then rode the donkey into Jerusalem, with the Synoptics adding that the disciples had first put their cloaks on it, so as to make it more comfortable. The Gospels go on to recount how Jesus rode into Jerusalem, and how the people there lay down their cloaks in front of him, and also lay down small branches of trees. The people sang part of Psalm 118-..."Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord. Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father, David..."

After that is Wednesday. Holy Wednesday. In Western Christianity, the Wednesday before Easter is sometimes known as "Spy Wednesday",indicating that it is the day that Judas Iscariot first conspired with the Sanhedrin to betray Jesus for thirty silver coins.

This event is described in the three Synoptic Gospels: Matthew 26:14-16, Mark 14:10-12, Luke 22:3-6.

The Sanhedrin was gathered together and it decided to kill Jesus. In the meantime, Jesus was in Bethany, in the house of Simon the leper. Here he was anointed on the head by Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus, with very expensive ointment of spikenard. Some of the disciples were indignant about this; the oil could have been sold to support the poor. Judas went to the Sanhedrin and offered them his support in exchange for money. From this moment on Judas was looking for an opportunity to betray Jesus.

Next is Thursday. Maundy Thursday. Maundy Thursday is the Christian feast or holy day falling on the Thursday before Easter that commemorates the Last Supper of Jesus Christ with the Apostles.

Then comes Friday. Good Friday. According to the accounts in the Gospels, Jesus was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane by the Temple Guards through the guidance of his disciple, Judas Iscariot. Judas received money (30 pieces of silver) (Matthew 26:14-16) for betraying Jesus and told the guards that whomever he kisses is the one they are to arrest. Jesus is brought to the house of Annas, who is the father-in-law of the current high priest, Caiaphas. There he is interrogated with little result, and sent bound to Caiaphas the high priest, where the Sanhedrin had assembled (John 18:1-24). Conflicting testimony against Jesus is brought forth by many witnesses, to which Jesus answers nothing. Finally the high priest adjures Jesus to respond under solemn oath, saying "I adjure you, by the Living God, to tell us, are you the Anointed One, the Son of God?" Jesus testifies in the affirmative, "You have said it, and in time you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of the Almighty, coming on the clouds of Heaven." The high priest condemns Jesus for blasphemy, and the Sanhedrin Trial of Jesus concurs with a sentence of death (Matthew 26:57-66). Peter, waiting in the courtyard, also denies Jesus three times to bystanders while the interrogations were proceeding. Jesus already knew that Peter would deny him three times. In the morning, the whole assembly brings Jesus to the Roman governor Pontius Pilate, under charges of subverting the nation, opposing taxes to Caesar, and making himself a king (Luke 23:1-2). Pilate authorizes the Jewish leaders to judge Jesus according to their own Law and execute sentencing; however, the Jewish leaders reply that they are not allowed by the Romans to carry out a sentence of death (John 18:31).
Pilate questions Jesus, and tells the assembly that there is no basis for sentencing. Upon learning that Jesus is from Galilee, Pilate refers the case to the ruler of Galilee, King Herod, who was in Jerusalem for the Passover Feast. Herod questions Jesus but receives no answer; Herod sends Jesus back to Pilate. Pilate tells the assembly that neither he nor Herod have found guilt in Jesus; Pilate resolves to have Jesus whipped and released (Luke 23:3-16).It was a custom during the feast of Passover for the Romans to release one prisoner as requested by the Jews. Pilate asks the crowd whom they would like to be released. Under the guidance of the chief priests, the crowd asks for Barabbas, who had been imprisoned for committing murder during an insurrection. Pilate asks what they would have him do with Jesus, and they demand, "Crucify him" (Mark 15:6-14). Pilate's wife had seen Jesus in a dream earlier that day; she forewarns Pilate to "have nothing to do with this righteous man" (Matthew 27:19). Pilate has Jesus flogged, then brings him out to the crowd to release him. The chief priests inform Pilate of a new charge, demanding Jesus be sentenced to death "because he claimed to be God's son." This possibility filled Pilate with fear, and he brought Jesus back inside the palace and demanded to know from where he came (John 19:1-9). Coming before the crowd one last time, Pilate declares Jesus innocent, washing his own hands in water to show he has no part in this condemnation. Nevertheless, Pilate hands Jesus over to be crucified.(Matthew 27:24-26). The sentence written is "Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews." Jesus carries his cross to the site of execution (assisted by Simon of Cyrene), called the place of the Skull, or "Golgotha" in Hebrew and in Latin "Calvary". There he is crucified along with two criminals (John 19:17-22). Jesus agonizes on the cross for six hours. During his last 3 hours on the cross, from noon to 3pm, there is darkness over the whole land. With a loud cry, Jesus gives up his spirit. There is an earthquake, tombs break open, and the curtain in the Temple is torn from top to bottom. The centurion on guard at the site of crucifixion declares, "Truly this was God's Son!" (Matthew 27:45-54)
Joseph of Arimathea, a member of the Sanhedrin and secret follower of Jesus, who had not consented to his condemnation, goes to Pilate to request the body of Jesus (Luke 23:50-52). Another secret follower of Jesus and member of the Sanhedrin named Nicodemus brought about a hundred pound weight mixture of spices and helped wrap the body of Christ (John 19:39-40). Pilate asks confirmation from the centurion whether Jesus is dead (Mark 15:44). A soldier pierced the side of Jesus with a lance causing blood and water to flow out (John 19:34), and the centurion informs Pilate that Jesus is dead (Mark 15:45).
Joseph of Arimathea takes the body of Jesus, wraps it in a clean linen shroud, and places it in his own new tomb that had been carved in the rock (Matthew 27:59-60) in a garden near the site of crucifixion. Nicodemus (John 3:1) also came bringing 75 pounds of myrrh and aloes, and places them in the linen with the body of Jesus, according to Jewish burial customs (John 19:39-40). They rolled a large rock over the entrance of the tomb (Matthew 27:60).

"Then they returned home and rested, because at sunset began Shabbat."(Luke 23:54-56)

Saturday is a solemn day. On Saturday we will meet with our family and church family to have a solemn meditation. We will gather for reading & reflection. We will pray and share a meal. I cannot even imagine that first Sabbath after the cross.

Then comes Sunday. Easter Sunday. The New Testament teaches that the resurrection of Jesus, which Easter celebrates, is a foundation of the Christian faith. The resurrection established Jesus as the powerful Son of God and is cited as proof that God will judge the world in righteousness. God has given Christians "a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead". Christians, through faith in the working of God are spiritually resurrected with Jesus so that they may walk in a new way of life.

Easter is linked to the Passover and Exodus from Egypt recorded in the Old Testament through the Last Supper and crucifixion that preceded the resurrection. According to the narratives of the New Testament, Jesus gave the Passover meal a new meaning, as he prepared himself and his disciples for his death in the upper room during the Last Supper. He identified the loaf of bread and cup of wine as symbolizing his body soon to be sacrificed and his blood soon to be shed.

Thanks be to God!

My New Favorite Song-by Miranda Lambert

The House That Built Me

I know they say you can’t go home again
I just had to come back one last time
Ma’am I know you don’t know me from Adam
But these handprints on the front steps are mine

Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
My favorite dog is buried in the yard

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years
From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama’s dream

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

Spring Brake

I am sitting at the foot of my bed on the love seat. I am sitting "criss-cross- applesauce" sideways leaning against a pile of laundry. I would have to have about 10 pillows to achieve the same level of comfort that I am experiencing now from "all that is unfinished". We have had a great week- all things considered. It would be a lie to say that it has been care-free and non-tumultuous. It has been a hard week, however, it was needed. The activity load, because it was Spring Break, was strenuous; as well as expensive - but the photographs are tangible memories of the activities that were so quick to end. The bird "cage" at the zoo was not quick- the girls could have stayed in there all day. I, however, do not share the same love for the canaries.

We did not go skiing, rock climbing or to the beach. We stayed home every night. the girls had a couple of friends sleep over. It wasn't until Thursday that I thought, "We should DO something." So about 10 a.m. we loaded up with a friend and her girls and took off. We had a great day at the zoo and got home around 6:30 that night. The girls were tired and their friends wound up staying the night here. The next morning my mom took my four to Chuck E. Cheese. We were there all day. It was actually really fun and I had a great time being there with my mom. Thus far, it is the highlight of Lucy Grace's life. She could barely sleep the night before. She loved it. They all had so much fun and wore themselves out running & playing games. Zoe threw a fit when we told her that it was time to leave. That's when I noticed that the manager was watching us.

I knew what was coming. He came closer to us. "What's wrong with her?" he asked. "Oh, she's just upset because it's time to go." I said. I moved away from him but he stayed close by me until we got to the light: the one that you put your arm under to make sure that someone's not leaving with the wrong family. I have only had this happen about two other times. I knew that he wanted to make sure that Zoe was mine and I am appreciative of that, however, I am not sure how i would've proven to him that she was mine other than with a family picture. Someone told me that they carry a copy of their child's birth certificate & adoption "something or another" with them just in case the police is called. Maybe I need to consider that- not sure. honestly, if I did that - it would probably wind up with lip prints or chewed gum on it. Zoe knows that our skin is different and she knows that I am her mom...and I'm pretty sure that she could take someone out.

Every night this week Greg has read with the girls -just like normal. We have eaten all of our evening meals together -just the same. We have all started out in our own beds and then somehow everyone ends up in ours -as usual. That's why i was shocked by Abby's statement this morning.
"Mom," she said. "We haven't got to spend very much time together this week."
Humph..."What?" I asked.
"You know, like 'together'" she said.
I must confess - I'm not sure exactly what she means. But what I think she means, and by how she responded to what I said, makes me believe that I am pretty close.
"So, you mean like sitting at the table talking & reading with each other? Like we do on school days?" I asked.
She smiled, shook her head and said, "Yep. I like that."
"Yep," I said smiling back. "Me too."

I am glad to get a brake from the break. I am glad to re-engage and to lose the carnival of activity again. Even though it was fun - I am....We are...home-bodies. Boring, coffee-drinking, snuggle-up, memory making home-bodies. And, from her statement to me- it seems that there is still a lot of "unfinished business" that I need to settle into with the girls. Sometimes I believe that I am accomplishing the same goal with the girls by "hauling" them everywhere, entertaining them with activities and getting them to the other people that they will "engage" with that day. But the truth is- I'm not.

While I am typing, I can smell the brisket that is cooking for lunch tomorrow. Our church eats a planned meal together every third Sunday after worship. I love this meal. Apart from all of the great food that everyone signs up to bring, we have such great conversation together -sitting across the table from one another, engaging, sharing food, laughing and listening. For some of these individuals- this might be the only meal that they share with another person all week. For all of us it is significant and shaping.

I believe, as a Christian, that our families are micro-cosms of the church. Should we not just be "making time for"- but rather centering our existence as a family "around" these times of worship and great conversations together; sitting across the table from one another, engaging, sharing food, laughing and listening to each other, being shaped by and shaping our family....as well as -inviting others to our table.

I pray that my days will not be a blur. I pray that I will keep a thoughtful, simple, harnessed view of how life is to be. As one writer says, "Teach me to order my days correctly that I might gain a heart of wisdom" - So be it.

"Don't ask me again. I mean it."

To say that we are "adjusting" to our old way of doing things would be accurate. Trying to be steady, consistent and normal takes more work than one might think. We have crap scattered everywhere...this is because we do not have a room that contains all of our necessary supplies that are needed constantly. Since I decided to go ahead and pull the girls out a month into the 2nd semester I needed to pull some curriculum from all corners of the earth to adequately complete the year. I had everything that I needed for 2nd grade but was slightly ill equipped for 4th grade. On the first day I was having lunch with a couple of pastor's wives, who also home-school, and I mentioned that I needed to go home and order a couple of things and one of the wives had the math book, workbook and teacher's book that I needed. I came home and realized that I already had the 4th grade reading book and reading workbook that I needed. Whew! I was so relieved because I didn't want to waste a lot of time with the U.S. Postal Service. So the next morning we started with the Math book and we began exactly where Abby left off the week before. We move on to Reading. She reads the lesson and moves on to the workbook. Here's the deal- I love to help my children...but don't take advantage of it. That's just the honest truth. I can tell when my child really needs help and when she is lingering...waiting for someone to tell her the answer or to do the work for her. So after about the third time of asking questions that had seemingly obvious answers to me I tell her, "Don't ask me again! I mean it! Take your time, read and write the answer." The next day we were at the table and I was helping her. I did feel like the answers were a little too difficult to "infer" from the material. So I had her move on to something else and I went online to chat with a "specialist". I ask Joel, the specialist, if I was missing something. I told him what book we were in and asked him about the previous book and asked if we might have "missed" something-some prior readings, entire books...etc? He assured me that we were fine and that we were probably in a "review" portion of the book, etc. So, I take the reader and scan it. "Man, This is asking questions that are not in this book." So I say, "Abby, here's the book it's asking you questions about...maybe this was part of the 3rd grade curriculum so just scan through the first chapter and see if we're on the right track." OK- before anyone starts to criticize me for this I was at my wit's end with this book. It had been a thorn in my side for two days...and it's good material...so I was just trying to get to the bottom of it. So she comes back and says, "Well, that helped. All of the answers were right there." What the heck?
The next morning we had to run an errand so Abby said "I'm going to take my book with me." No kidding, we are in the car and she starts in, "I can't do this. The answers are not in here!" I am so frustrated. Now, I know on a flat screen this seems ridiculous...but have you ever had a day when you wake up, get out of bed and step on a kid's wooden toy block? You go to get in the shower and there's no hot water. You get dressed, pour your coffee and you spill it on your white shirt? Then you should understand. There is a lot of emotion. When Abby starts whining, then Ellie starts whining. Who I must say has absolutely nothing to whine about. To this, and I'm a little embarrassed to to reveal this, I turn around and I'm sure they will totally mimic me and make fun of me for this one day, I say, "OH MY GOSH! It's not that hard. Do not ask me another question until you have read all of it. You are not going to be 'stupid girls'. You two are smart and you're not going to be lazy." There was steam coming out of my ears...I'm sure of it.
Greg comes home for lunch and I am quickly moving around the kitchen transferring a lot of information at once. "Have you called the company about the book?" he asked. "YES-I told you that I did!" I said with the tone of "Don't question me I'm not stupid!" He slowly looks up and says, "No, you said you chatted with them." OH.MY.AM.I.AN.IDIOT???? He leaves and goes back to work.
Later that afternoon after more "questions" I go to Abby and say, "Put the books on the shelf. I'll just order something different." We did this same material in 2nd grade so I am beside myself. I go and get the books, call my friend Christi, and say "Ok- I CANNOT figure this out."
No lie...I lay the books out in front of me and I HAD GIVEN HER: Reading Book Unit 1 & Reading Workbook Unit 2.
OH
MY
WORD!!!!!
That's like leaving something unplugged and thinking it's broken. When I told her she was totally cool but I felt like such an idiot. I texted Greg and of course it made his afternoon. The next morning Abby completed her lesson with ease. She laughed and said, "Finally! This makes sense."
I am such a 'stupid girl'.

So the truth is...

I have had no time to blog. Most people do not know this...but I love to write. In fact, I do it in my head all day. There is a constant commentary playing. Note that I said "commentary" and not "voices". I am constantly thinking of ways to write what is taking place in real time. I know that that is odd but I have done it for as long as I can remember. Maybe it is something I started doing to make sense of things around me...but I have no idea when it began or what set it into action. If I saw a ball roll into the street I would think something like, "The ball was carried down the street by the cool wind of the evening like a leaf resting on a calm stream." What the heck is wrong with me? I am just now coming to terms with my need for therapy.

As you know, I began homeschooling again mid-February. I have gone back and forth about how much to post concerning this decision, however, one writes about what one knows. On that note, here I go.

When I began homeschooling several years ago I was very nervous about my decision. I saw it as a choice that some made when other options seemed less promising. Most of my insecurities rested in what others thought about my decision. Most of my fears were grounded in the unknown. Can I do it? Can I do it right?

Thanks be to God- I am no longer in that place. I am convinced that we are where we should be. Since I am coming back to it- I no longer have the fear and I am free from the concern about what others think about our decision to do this. For those of you who have more than one child, remember your second birth compared to your first. Remember bringing your second, third or fourth child home from the hospital. With our first daughter we followed all of the rules. With our second, we weren't near as concerned about what "they" said we should do or how to do it. By the time our third was here - she was just along for the ride.

I have noticed some things this time around that have peaked my interest a little. Almost everyone who has entered into a discussion with me on homeschooling has approached it from the perspective of what we are taking away from our children versus what we are giving to them. The past several weeks we have been in the re-entry stage. We are learning to be home together again. I have had to apologize, ask them to forgive me & become more patient already. I have had to learn again how they learn. Knowing how they learn and having to teach an idea or concept to them changes our dynamic so much. We truly communicate. I must admit, I had to go back to Abby on Friday and ask her to forgive me because I was explaining something in a way that made perfect sense to me - but not to her. I was so angry that she wasn't understanding what I was saying. I stepped back, got some coffee, asked her to forgive me for my attitude and then we started over and she got it. See, even this process was good for us.

We begin at 9:00 every morning. We go to the table, talk, pray, read the bible (right now we are in Romans), go to YouTube and find a worship song that has lyrics (this past week we sang, Jesus Messiah by Chris Tomlin everyday). We take time for prayer request, confession of sins and prayer. After that both older girls start with math and then go on to their reading workbooks. Next they have grammar, writing & memorization work. Ellie is finishing up Little House in the Big Woods, which she was reading in school & Abby is reading Annie Oakley. We are reading out loud in the afternoon, The Magician's Nephew. They are not doing much more than this for the rest of this year. Of course Ellie is being tested on spelling and reading. Abby is doing a lot of reading and lots of narration/book reports. The fall will be a different story. We did decide to go with Veritas Press. We ordered their curriculum last month. I love the classical model. I'm a nerd. The history, Bible, Latin....I dig it.

If I were to sum up where I am now compared to where I was- I would say something like this: "The clumsy enthusiast groped along until one day she realized that her once fresh bruises were gone and felicity's sweet song was leading her still."

Family

We were so glad to have some of Greg's family in for Ellie's B-day. Their generosity and the ease of the conversation was a real blessing to us. Glad they're back in the USA and looking forward to more visits in the future.
PS- I didn't get one pic of Greg's mom- sorry June! :(

Today consisted of...

Today was my first day back, after a two year break, to homeschooling. Ellie, my 8 year old, began again today. Abby, my 10 year old, will begin again at the first of March. I have missed them and I am glad to have the time with them again. Today fit like a glove. It is amazing how easy it felt and how much laughing there was in the house. Much more relaxed again - yet all of our school work complete. What an unexplainable feeling to sit down for dinner again and not have to hurry. Ellie sat down with Greg tonight to show him everything that she had accomplished and was so happy that she had completed it by noon. We walked to a park down the street after lunch where we played for about 45 minutes...it was SO stinkin' cold! The kids did not mind a bit. On the walk home they had a blast filling their pockets full of pecans. They are all over the sidewalks. After we got home, we read a couple of small books, did laundry and then we went to pick up my great aunt.
Miss Bea, who is 79 years old, lives with my mom. And she has done a great job having her in her home. This year I made the connection, for the first time, why James categorizes orphans & widows together..."in their distress". There are so many observable similarities b/t foster children and the elderly - to list them would take days. Voicelessness, Nameless, Helpless, Isolated, Alone, Feelings of Hopelessness, Despairing...the list goes on. One of the few times, however, that I see true, raw, happiness is when Miss Bea is with my children. They are really great with her & she engages with them. Today they reminded her over & over again how to play UNO, and they were very patient every single time she played the wrong color & played when it wasn't her turn. We made Chicken Pot Pie- it was a vote that was decided upon by her! And Little Zoe climbed all over her, acting like a puppy, sniffing her face, kissing her and barking at her. Miss Bea even let Zoe tie a "collar" onto her! I am convinced more and more everyday for the need of community. There are lots of people in our house to "absorb" some of the "nuances" that come with being old! (& that also come with being an ex-foster child with r.a.d.!) It was really a great day. Now, I am beat. I am ready to climb into my warm bed, pray a prayer of thanksgiving and drift away to my "crazy world of dreams".

Don't forget- Feb. 17 is Random Acts of Kindness Day! ;)

Soccer

As a family of six, four of those being children, we have to have a plan when it comes to organized sports. This season Ellie is playing. Her games start this month and today she had her first practice. She did a great job. I have to say that she did not complain one time and it was f.r.e.e.z.i.n.g.! On the way to practice she said, "Man, I'm glad that we didn't have school today or I would've not wanted to come to practice." They start at 5:30 and we are usually settled in having dinner- so she knows herself pretty well. :) She must take after me because once I am in for the night...I like to be in for the night. Hopefully the early morning games will prove to be something that she likes. We'll see!

Day 2

SNOW!!!

Thanks for asking.

Below is a list of charachteristics that somewhat "define" children living with RAD. Reactive Attachment Disorder. RAD arises from a failure to form normal attachments to primary caregivers in early childhood. Kids will not display all of these at once, necessarily, and to greater or lesser degrees. Remember to pray for parents who are raising children with Reactive Attachment Disorder. Pray that the Lord will right the wrongs that have been done to these little blessings. And please be patient & gracious with these tired parents by not assuming that these are "disobedience" issues. Remember, "Let us all be slow to speak"...most of the parents who have chosen to adopt have walked into it soberly- with an open-stance toward their child. They ARE reading, praying, educating themselves, becoming students of their children. Adoption is messy. The Christian life is messy. What should our attitude be? "Consider it pure joy brothers when you face trials of many kinds..." Let us "hold unswervingly to the faith that we posses." Kids can grow "through" this. I was thinking yesterday about how far we have come. Our child can control herself through church now...she can stay in bed...she can make eye contact. Press on!

Childhood Symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder
*Superficially charming and engaging, particularly around strangers or those who they feel they can manipulate

*Indiscriminate affection, often to strangers; but not affectionate on parent's terms

*Problems making eye contact, except when angry or lying

*A severe need to control everything and everyone, worsens as child gets older

*Hyper vigilant

*Hyperactive, yet lazy in performing tasks

*Argumentative, often over silly or insignificant things

*Frequent tantrums or rage, often over trivial issues

*Demanding or clingy, often at inappropriate times

*Trouble understanding cause and effect

*Poor impulse control

*Lacks morals and values

*Little or no empathy; often have not developed a conscience

*Cruelty to animals

*Lying for no apparent reason

*False allegations of abuse

*Destructive to property or self

*Stealing

*Constant chatter, nonsense questions

*Abnormal speech patterns

*Developmental/learning delays

*Fascination with fire/blood/gore; will usually make the bad choice

*Problems with food; either hoarding or refusing

*Concerned with details but ignoring main issues

*Few or no long term friends; tend to be loners

*Attitude of entitlement or self importance

*Sneaks things without permission even if she/he could have them by asking

*Triangulation of adults; pitting one against the other

*A darkness behind eyes when raging

*Parents appear to be overcontrolling