"you're courage ask me what i'm afraid of..."

i have been thinking a lot about the ordinary christian life. i believe that, in order to be consistent, my life should mirror that of Christ. i just finished reading, fields of the fatherless, by Thomas Davis. my friend, Christi, let me barrow it and i read it in about a day. at the same time, i have been listening to Sara groves' song, i saw what i saw, about her trip to Rwanda. i have never visited Rwanda. i have been to India, Amsterdam, Mexico & Houston. however, this song immediately took me back to my first day in a child protective services waiting room. i remember these three kids who came in to meet their mom for a visit. they waited and waited. finally the foster mom took them aside and told them that she hadn't shown up, she comforted them and they left. i think that was the moment that i changed. it "cut me to the soul". i think that it was then that i realized that i must choose go to "the hard place". i think in our consumeristic society we have lost touch with eternal realities. we would not need short-term mission trips if we were living "with" the poor, the orphan, the widow & the stranger. please know that i am not criticizing short-term ministry projects, i just think that somehow their has been a shift that has made these the norm as opposed to us actively seeking life among these that Christ lived among. i in know way feel like i have attained this type of life. i am, however, trying to push myself to detox from familiarity and comfort & deconstruct my rituals. i am trying to look for people who are uncommon to me, engage people who look different than i do, seek out the stranger, the lonely and to help the widow and the orphan in their distress. i think that many of us give up too fast. we try to "change" but because of the mechanical akwardness we feel in the beginning we stop. we have to push through. wedenesday night we read this passage in ezekial 16:49, "Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy." romans 12:16 says, "live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. never be conceited." deuteronomy 10:18-19, "He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing. love the sojourner, therefore, for you were sojourners in the land of egypt." we must ask ourselves why we are investing in the things, places, institutions and people that we are investing in. how are we measuring our success? how are we defining success? i have been wrestling with all of these thoughts. choosing to live the ordinary christian life is counter-cultural. it is tiring and revealing. to end with the words of sara groves:

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
(what I am made of)
and what I know of love

we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution

Something on the road, touched my very soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something on the road, touched my very soul