im too busy

im too busy to post right now...parenting 5 children has made me one tired puppy. i am thinking about something that i want to write about however. i am planning on writing about "Sunday Mornings in the Preacher's House." Should have this out this week...we shall see. This should be a fun road to go down....

The Looking Glass

The past month has literally passed like none other. Many of you know that Abby, my mom, and I went to visit my brother & his family in Brussels, Belgium. We had an incredible time. It was an invaluable experience for all of us. One of the things that literally changed my life was the trip that my brother and I took to Paris.
There have been several times throughout the years when things have happened and I have paused and thought to myself,"Don't forget what's happening right now." When a close friends' children were recently adopted I took a mental snapshot of all that was wrapped up in that one moment for me . When Greg was ordained and his friends, who were from our time of ministry back at Sagemont drove in to pray over him during the service, time stopped. When Abby was born and Amazing Love was playing in the background, my arms were tied down because of the surgery and I turned my hands up to thank God for her and the moment. When I stepped off of the plane returning from India, Australia, Mexico, & Amsterdam I marked a tab in my mind. When the judge's gavel hit loud and hard saying, "She is your daughter"-my life was altered. The day my dad died, the letter my great aunt gave me, the day Greg told me that he loved me, the first time Lucy looked straight into the camera, all of these things define my life to me.
I was not prepared, however, for the impact of this trip.
My brother and I left from Brussels, with Abby and his three teenagers at 7:00 the morning after our arrival. My mom was planning on making the trip and wound up being sick that day. It was all new to me. We rode the metro to the train station. The train was crazy. 200 miles an hour while drinking espresso. Of course, the first stop was The Eiffel Tower. Kyle brought me up beside the tower...so I wasn't expecting it when he said, "Hey, look over there!" It was really amazing. We went everywhere. Notre Dame, an incredible CityView tower where we saw a 360 view of Paris, anything you can think of we walked to. Later in the afternoon Kyle asked if we wanted to go to The Louvre. We all agreed. I was exhausted already and it had begun to get a little warm. We stood in line and we finally got in. There were thousands of people there. At on point my brother and I looked at each other and started laughing and I said, "It's Wednesday and all of these people are here. We, like everyone else there, wanted to hit the high points. We were off to find The Mona Lisa. Well, we found her surrounded by people from every tribe, tongue and nation. I grabbed Abby's arm and pulled her, pushing and shoving, to the front for a quick glimpse of this painting I have heard about for 39 years. We quickly snapped and gawked and moved out of the way. And I did have "a moment" there...but not the one I am writing about here.
At this point, we all divided up. The kids were funny because, well, they are kids. They won't really appreciate any of this for about 20 more years. Kyle and I continued to look. As I began to be taken in by the magnificent wonders that I was seeing, most I did not even know existed until that minute, I began to feel extremely small. Even as I type this I am aware of how shallow and flat my description is. There were so many paintings of Christ. I was really interested in how the painters would depict His humanity and mortality. What made them choose the scene that they had painted? What about Christ nursing, clinging, eating with friends, discussing at the table important truths all the while children rolled on the floor with their pet dog and servants served in the background, made them see Him as He was. Of all of the scenes that had captured them- this was the one. Seriously, if you have ever been there you can concur, there were so many portrayals of Christ that I forgot that other paintings might be unrelated. At one point I saw a portrait of a man and I thought, "Huh, who is he? Is this a theologian? Is this a martyr?" The placard read something like this, "Man on the Street". Wow. I had viewed so may pictures of Jesus Christ that I began to see every other work in relationship to Him. I saw this man and thought, "What is his context...in relationship to Jesus?" The heaviness of this landed on me with such gravity that I had to stop because I was so overwhelmed with emotion. All of life, all of creation, all the earthiness of every moment finds it's meaning in relationship to Christ.
2 Corinthians 3:18 says, "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." How are we changed? By beholding Him. Even in worship, I worship as a receiver. "We love because He first loved us." I have this picture of what i think "the Day of the Lord" will look like. I think it will feel very similar to that moment. I am falling forward because of the weight of His glory and all things are simultaneously circling Him and suddenly it all makes sense.
By the way, the Man on the Street is there too...

Peace I give you...

One of the neatest things that we did over the weekend was attend an all Latin mass. Ellie and I went on Maundy Thursday. Abby had a baseball game out of town, however, Greg would not be off work in time to keep the younger ones or for us to get there in time....and there was NO way that i was taking them THAT day. Let's just say it wasn't their finest hour. In History, we have been studying a lot about the Roman Catholic Church. Several months ago I called the priest at the church and asked if he would give our kiddos a tour and explain some of their basic practices. We were very excited but he was sick the day that we were suppose to go. I had never been to a mass so i thought, "Why not go Latin?" So, Ellie and I went. We sat on the back row. To say that she was nervous would be an understatement. She was overwhelmed by the statues, the bells, the incense, the altar boys, the kneeling, crossing and the cantor. I know that it was her first time to see a foot washing ceremony. At one point she almost jumped out of her seat. I put my arm around her and whispered, "Nothing unexpected is going to happen TO you. You are seeing everything that will happen." I must say, I thought it was a beautiful service. We did not receive communion because we are not Roman Catholic...and of course, our view of the sacraments are different. I had encouraged Ellie to make observations while we were there. I told her to take everything in and we would discuss it later. The diversity was noticeable. The liturgy was longer. The Latin was different. It was really cold. The incense was s.t.r.o.n.g so the fans HAD to keep moving. I was sure that she would have noticed all of those things. When we left she said two things: 1) "Can we get a sno cone?" 2) "You saw everything I did so..."
On Sunday during worship one of our Elders read John 20. I was captivated by Lord's desire to give peace. PEACE. Do I need to tell you how many times in a day i feel unrest? disillusionment? confusion? the effects of the fall are real in me...but Christ gives peace. quiet. rest. order. hope. Life.

We had Easter Lunch at my Mom's. This year felt a little different. My grand-mother and great-aunt were there, with one uncle who has not lived the greatest life. Their health is failing quickly. They are dealing with old age, forgetful minds and feeble bones. One is spiritual and two are not. There is a fight to hold on to what used to be and a resistance to accept what is. We took lots of pics, thanked God for His grace through Christ and watched the kids play in the backyard. My great aunt brought a friend with her from her assisted living place. She cannot remember her last name but she knows Elvis and that she played basketball in high school.
One Day...One day we will all sit in that same seat. we will be quirky, forgetful and clumsy. we will not remember things that define us at this moment. I know that the unknown scares my aging relatives. I know that they feel alone in the midst of family and friends. They say that "the world no longer looks the same."
When I think about the things that cause so much commotion in my life i wonder "Why?" "Why am I wasting my day/time on this?" "Why am I building my kid's memories of home with this block?""Why am I putting so much emotion into this?" Sitting at the table that day with my aged family at times felt suffocating. But this thought came to me, "Nothing unexpected is going to happen TO you. You are seeing everything that will happen." Awesome. It will all culminate in "growing old". Yippeee! BUT Christ says, "Don't forget the PEACE!" In this life you are going to have trouble...but I am giving you PEACE."
One of the main truths that I left the mass with that Thursday evening was the real presence of Christ. My hope? Christ in me. He has made me his own and he gives me real peace.He has given me His real presence. He offers me life beyond this life...and beyond the grave. Thanks be to God who has given me the victory in Christ Jesus.

New Places

My girls are growing up. I was talking to a friend tonight relaying our "happenings" for the weekend. I was pulling into Starbucks kid free. Ellie was spending the night with a friend. Abby had gone to a church event with a friend. Lu & Zoe were about to go to bed and Greg was finishing up the sermon for Sunday. She said, "Wow." I had not really reflected on how quickly time had passed. 5 years ago last month we were finalizing an adoption with a little one who was going to take a lot of attention and energy for the next several years. There really hasn't been much time to stop and think about how far we have come as a family. We are functioning- healthy, happy & grateful - in awe of the goodness and grace of God.
My five year old is giving us glimpses into her "more developed" personality. She has a large vocabulary with absolutely no concern for context. It has been interesting to watch her try to find her place in this white family without the ability to fully process her unique situation. She knows that she's not white. She knows that she's brown. But she's just not sure if it's okay to call attention to our obvious differences. She carries many unanswered questions with her everyday. Sometimes they slip out in my presence however, most of the time she whispers them to her imaginary friend. I think that she is making sense in her own way and in her own time, i pray, that she can see the blessing of that is her world.
Ellie, my 9 year old, is still with me everyday. My home school experience with her has not been difficult at all. She is a hard worker who knows that if she'll just get in there and get everything done- then the rest of the day is hers. She has such a compassionate heart and seems to connect the dots effortlessly. She has an ability to take an abstract concept and apply it in real life. She is going to start volunteering some this year and i am excited to see her interact with other people on this level. She's so fun to have around.
There is really too much to say about this little muffin to sum up in one sentence. If you've read my blog for anytime at all you know that Lucy has come SO far. She is about to start reading. She meets with a friend of mine twice a week who is working with her on some educational goals. She stopped taking her supplements about 18 days ago and she is doing maaahvelous! i am so happy to see her "fully present". I have no idea what to attribute this too other than growth spurts, prayer & her feeling of safety. That probably makes no sense to any of you unless you have walked down this same path of foster and adoptive care. i am praying for her continued growth and stability. She loves to sing, learn and dance. She is a JOY!
My oldest, Abby, is teaching me everything about parenting & and is breaking me in pretty quickly. She is almost 12 and is growing up to be a fantabulous person. FUNNY, easy to spend time with and a gentle spirit. She is about to finish 5th grade at the Christian school. She wants to live everyday of her life. It kills me that i can look at her today and see glimpses of the woman that she will soon be - the way she looks, laughs, talks, etc. She is fun to hang out with. In fact, as i am typing this she is trying to make me laugh by lip-synching the title song from Dog the Bounty Hunter.
My point in writing all of this is just to reflect on 1) How quickly life happens & 2) How gracious the Lord has been to us to give us this great life with these great kids. As many of you know, our home is on open status again for foster/adoptive care. I am excited to see who the Lord will send our way. What kid will change our lives by his/her presence in the world? What child will continue to mold & shape us into who we are to be? The Lord is so dynamic. He is always working His good will and pleasure. What an exciting time to be alive.

it's been a while...

but i've go something brewing! need a little down time so i can write...there in lies the problem. :) happy kids, busy mom.

tonight

tonight, like every other night, i am up way to late. i have noticed that the older my children get the greater demands there seem to be. i am using demands in the sense of non-negotiables. we have more to discuss, organize, manage and create. as our oldest learns greater responsibility, which frees us to a certain degree, we have to deal with the fact that our child that requires more care requires more time. so there is a give and take, but as you all know, it often feels like more is being taken. however, i have caught myself today- in middle of setting the table, doing the dishes, typing a blog, pausing to be caught up in the reality of God's unfailing love toward me. I have been absorbed today in the idea of being seen and captured by the Lord of this Universe. I have unwillingly focused today on the fact that we are a part of a Greater Story...one that we are not the center of. We are clay. He is the Potter. i must admit that over the past several years, i have come to empathize with the immigrant. One who's native land is foreign to the place where he or she resides. i am speaking in a spiritual sense. when i woke up the day after my dad died- everything looked different. not bad- just sharper. things that had my attention the day before didn't seem quite as pressing the day after. that's how i feel today. Aware. akward and a little clumsy...but Awake.
now- i need sleep.

i've been following this blog for a while...

http://aplacecalledsimplicity.blogspot.com/2011/02/if-god-told-me-to-i-would.html

love to hear your thoughts. i have felt this same disdain for excuses throughout the years. greg has often said that most of the time people aren't actively engaging the idea of foster/adoption & orphan care...they are just excusing themselves from it. we need never gripe about any group who does what we, the church, should do for the oppressed. we, of all people, should be sacrificing our comfort, pleasure and selfish pursuits to love, parent, treasure & welcome into the church- the least of these. this is the true fast. do not expect your children to one day do what they do not see you model now. the messiness of the gospel, the messiness of the incarnation, the mundane, normal, christian life involves us living, embracing, and struggling through our own discomforts and dealing with our sin, to provide life for those who have no hope.

I love (stuff) too much

I am writing this now but will post it later. At this time my husband and I are involved in what we would consider to be an extensive fast. We have fasted in the past- but never at the same time. So far, during this time, I have fractured my foot, our washer has gone out, we had the worst fight of our 15 years of marriage, we had to buy a new dishwasher, and last night our heater went out- and it just so happens that it is the coldest day of the year thus far. Simultaneously, we felt led to foster care again, someone gave us $1000 on the day that our heater died and our spiritual awareness has sharpened markedly and my concern for earthly goods has drastically diminished. I am seriously aware of how quickly these goods waste away.(my body included) I am also keenly aware of the trust I put in things of the world and the immeasurable amount of comfort that they bring to me. God save me!
I pray for grace to persevere in this fast. It feels as if it will go on forever. I know that I can do it because the past keeps reminding me. But I must confess: Though my face is not long -my heart is. I miss Eating. I miss feeling physically full. But I must confess- I hate feeling out of control. My eating-worship habits have been crazy. I rarely deny myself of anything. So capturing this desire has made me feel strongly indebted to the Lord who has given me the power in Christ to conquer this Maniac that seeks to devour me through my own devouring. Whether that is shopping, giving my opinion, having my way, choosing to be distracted rather than engaged or beginning my day with Matt Lauer instead of Jesus Christ. Whatever the sin may be- it is still sin.
It is unbelief.
I think that during this time we have sacked up and given away about 25 bags of clothes, toys and junk. Stuff that we like, things that make us feel good about ourselves, and make others feel good about us. These things tend to woo me away from the God that whispers, "Be in the world not of the world". I must confess, I like quirky things. i like to hold on to stuff i might need. i like to "pass down". guess what- i think the lord has freed me from this. i pray that this is the case. i pray that he, in his grace, effectually moves me to hold on loosely to everything as a provision for that day alone. (Give us this day our daily bread.)