I am so impatient. I have noticed that when Abby or Ellie "flounders" to understand a concept...I am so irritated. I know that this has more to do with me than them. I know that I if I were teaching it in a creative way that they could resonate with then the problem would be eliminated. I also know that I am not Wonder Woman. i mean, honestly, some of my frustration is because of their laziness. I am having to be a wall right now. "Do not pass go. Do not collect $25." There are concepts that we are reviewing that should not be as difficult to them- if they would apply themselves. I am having to remember that they are young and that I am the one who volunteered for this. Getting irritated with them accomplishes absolutely nothing. In fact it produces what I do not want. I have to think on their level and try to imagine how they are hearing what I am saying.
In homeschooling, much like adoption, and parenting in general, I get downwind of myself almost daily. My heart is on display with every word that falls from my mouth. When the girls are scrapping Greg is really great at stopping them and saying, "Did you just say that she made you do that?? She didn't make you do anything. You responded out of the overflow of your heart." Wow. Could you not say that again?
Being a parent, homeschooling, dealing with life, a dog, a house that is always in need of re-pair- May all of this reveal a heart that is worshiping and grace filled!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Loosing Me
The most difficult transition for me, concerning parenthood, over the past twelve years has been loosing myself. I have noticed that I have become a very un-opinionated individual concerning "stuff". I really do not care a whole lot anymore about where we eat, if I get to buy a new pair of Tom's or if we watch Discovery or NatGeo. (Now, music is an entirely different subject!) I think that I, concerning our family, am learning slowly but surely, how to let go.
When Abby was 2 1/2 and Ellie was about 4 months, I got a job. "I needed a job so that I felt like I was accomplishing something." It is really comical to me to read that statement now, however, then it was survival. I remember telling Greg that I didn't feel as if I could accomplish one task all day - that I wouldn't have to turn right around and re-do due to the precious 2 year old. So I got a job at Starbucks and believe me, I felt great pride in taking the trash out there, cleaning the store and making drinks that seemed like gold to the customer.
Now, I am busy all day- re-doing what I did the day before. I am washing all of the time. Picking up plates, re-filling milk cups & picking up wet towels. I am building,however, one block at a time, one day at a time, one encouraging word, one "good job", one pat at a time. I have learned that in loosing me I am finding me.
I think that at the beginning of every school year I have to re-focus. I have to preach the Gospel to myself. I must re-new my mind and my will. I am seeing though, by God's grace, what I was unable to see before. My grandchildren need me now, to pour into their mom's. My future son-in-laws are relying on me to train, mold, indoctrinate and teach-how-to-follow, their future wives. I have felt, and now more than ever, the weight of this God-given purpose.
When Abby was 2 1/2 and Ellie was about 4 months, I got a job. "I needed a job so that I felt like I was accomplishing something." It is really comical to me to read that statement now, however, then it was survival. I remember telling Greg that I didn't feel as if I could accomplish one task all day - that I wouldn't have to turn right around and re-do due to the precious 2 year old. So I got a job at Starbucks and believe me, I felt great pride in taking the trash out there, cleaning the store and making drinks that seemed like gold to the customer.
Now, I am busy all day- re-doing what I did the day before. I am washing all of the time. Picking up plates, re-filling milk cups & picking up wet towels. I am building,however, one block at a time, one day at a time, one encouraging word, one "good job", one pat at a time. I have learned that in loosing me I am finding me.
I think that at the beginning of every school year I have to re-focus. I have to preach the Gospel to myself. I must re-new my mind and my will. I am seeing though, by God's grace, what I was unable to see before. My grandchildren need me now, to pour into their mom's. My future son-in-laws are relying on me to train, mold, indoctrinate and teach-how-to-follow, their future wives. I have felt, and now more than ever, the weight of this God-given purpose.
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