My two front teeth...

Ellie is such a sweet girl. She is quiet- but courageous. She is adventurous, tenderhearted & toothless! I have been waiting for Ellie to loose both of her teeth at the same time. I love toothless kids.

It's not because my children are black.

I am not on a campagin against racism simply because 2 of my children are black.
I am on a campaign against racism because, as a Christian I believe, we are all created in the image of God.
I do not believe that Adam and Eve were white Americans.
I believe that all that God created is an expression and reflection of Himself to point us back to Him.
I do not believe that "unequally yoked" is in reference to whites & blacks.
I welcome any color in my home- "from all tribes and peoples and languages".
I am on a campaign against racism because 2 of my children are white and they never think about their skin. They never feel left out because of it. They never think that everyone is looking at them or that no one will choose them because of their color.
I am on a campaign to be a logical thinker.
I do not think that a bi-racial child will "have a hard time" -simply because they are bi-racial.
I am not concerned about the color of skin that my son-in-law's will have. I am happy that no one can figure out "what my husband is".
I am white. Two daughters are white. My husband and one daughter are carmel. My baby is brown. I love a man who is a Jew. Some of my deepest friendships are with international transplants...who happen to be dark skinned.
I strive to be patient with people who do not "try" to engage those who are different than themselves. I think that we must pray, engage, work to build true friendships with, and love those who are different from us.

Greg Fields

I am on my third attempt to begin this post. Greg and I have been married for thirteen years. We only dated for seven months when he asked me to marry him. I knew that I was going to marry Greg the day that I met him. It was confirmed to me by my dad. On Greg's last night in Greenville, after teaching a Disciple Now in my parents home, I decided to take him on a tour of Greenville. We had just driven up to the the top of the old Cadillac Hotel and as we were driving back down, my bag phone rang. It was Woody wondering where we were and what time we were coming back to their house. I told him that we were just out driving around and he said, "Well, I can't go to sleep until you get back- I know he's the guy that you are going to marry." So, we went home...
One of the first qualities I saw in Greg that was attractive to me- yet also frightening - was his honesty. Even to his detriment he was fiercely honest. Raw & unedited. He was never bothered or concerned by what others thought about him. He shared about past failures, sinful patterns, emotional hang-ups and obsessive tendencies. Don't confuse this with people who "have no filter". The way he shared was beautiful to me. He had the passion of Peter and the heart of John. He had the voice of Ezekial and the doubts of Thomas. At the time that we met, I was on staff at a church. If any of you have ever served in any type of leadership capacity then you know that most of the people who are suppose to be following you- do not really like honesty. They like to hold you in a nice, ordered package. They, for the most part, like predictable behavior and solid, bold answers. I met Greg about a year after he had returned from Desert Storm. He had recently broken off an engagement and was trying to decide what he wanted to be as a grown-up. He was so real. I saw him coming a mile away. He was so different to me. His honesty inspired me then and his honesty inspires me now.
I am also inspired by the way he "wrestles to understand" an idea and how he seeks to truly interact, discuss and engage the given topic. This is not his natural bent. Greg would, on many occasions, rather watch a movie, go hang out with friends or sleep. The difference, that I have observed with him, in comparison to myself and others, is that he does not easily give into his desire to be entertained. He will do the work necessary to comprehend. I am inspired, encouraged and challenged by his unwillingness to give up "when his brain hurts" and his eyes are tired.
I am constantly inspired and moved by his patience. Greg is a great dad. He has the ability to "suffer-long" and sleep-little. With our four girls there is rarely a night that one of them, if not two, are in need of something. One is either scared, or sick, or wet or cold. He never complains about this aspect of "the job". He is very rarely in a hurry when he tucks them in, he is slow and thoughtful when he reads and talks with them in the evenings and he is much "slower to anger" than I am! He listens, questions and thinks. He shepherds, nurtures and comforts. I am inspired by his patient care of his family. He sees himself as the responsible head of his home and works hard to protect it.
(I could go on for hours, literally. However, these three seem to rise to the surface.) I am thankful, that I get to live "upclose" with Greg. I am happy that I get to watch him, learn from him and hang out with him everyday. (...and scream outloud together when Jack Bauer escapes with Tony Almeda from the FBI !!!)

So, not to sound like a cliche...

Over the next couple of weeks I am going to attempt to post on those who inspire me. I will divide these into different catagories- that define the reasons for inspiration. Due to lack of time...I am going to write about this person later this evening...
Not to sound like a cliche but....My husband, Greg, inspires me in so many ways. This is a thoughtful blog so I do not want to rush or cram...more to come.
I love you, Greg.

My favorite gift...

A New Year

So, I hate to even post this next line, but here I go: My new years resolution is to blog consistently. I fear is that I am setting myself up for public scrutiny. However, I haven't written in so long that there is probably no "public".

I have had a question floating around in my head for the past several weeks. It drifts from side to side like a bubble in a pinball machine. The question is,"Who inspires me?" I think that there is an answer...that is not difficult to find. However, I know that my values will be revealed when the question is answered. I don't really care too much about how others view my values, my convictions or my passions. I have a hard time seeing them.

I remember taking all of these personality profiles and assessments when I was an undergraduate. I would answer all of these questions, about myself, through my own distorted lense, by my own assesment of myself- and this test was suppose to "define" me. It was going to tell me what I should aspire to be and what I type of person I was to marry- all based on my perception of myself. I soon came to realize that I have a very biased view of me.

So in asking the question, "Who inspires me?" I must ask myself "What do I value?" Who do I look to as a model, an example, a pioneer in all that I desire to be and accomplish. What do I want the painting to look like when I sign my name at the bottom? This is about value discovery and a hard look at myself and others.

I am excited about splitting hairs to discover what I really want and the romanticized idea of what I say I live for. I think that I will need to ask some close friends, family and my kids what they see that I am living for. I think that there are times when those outside of us have a truer understanding of who we really are than we ourselves. This should be interesting.

Fall has arrived.

We are going full speed ahead in the Fields' House. With the speed comes little time to re-group & re-create. There are several things in my life that I feel I can never complete: laundry, dishes, floors, closets, bathrooms...etc. I often think about how important it is to me, and my family, that our house "feel" like a home: a place of grace and rest...not chaos and confusion. Now, that does not mean that ours is clutter free, quiet and never out of order. In fact- it's the complete opposite of this. If you were to walk in to my house today you would find piles of sorted laundry that need to be put away, drawers of worksheets that have quickly been shuffled from the Tuesday Folder to the Catch All Center. One thing that I have discovered about my family is that we live life hard. We wear things out faster than most. We stain things and seem to exhaust the resources faster than we can replenish them. This is a difficult way to live. We do not have the luxury of donating last falls boots because there is another child that needs them this fall. We have had to learn to overlook carpet stains, worn fabric on a chairs, and a house litterd with rock collections, broken crayons and shoe laces being used as leashes on stuffed puppies. I must admit- this can wear on my soul. It is truly a battle at times. However, it is not near as taxing as it used to be. I guess it has become an issue of survival...and at times finding joy in suffering. Many would not define this as suffering. However, if anyone has ever had to engage in mind battle to talk yourself through the stress you feel "when you just cleaned the house yesterday and it's already a mess" then you understand the toll that this can take on you. I think that I have really had to learn to let certain things go and set realistic expectations. I feel if I can get my entire house cleaned, and by cleaned I mean, everything in its place, the floors swept, the bedrooms vaccumed and the bathrooms cleaned, ONCE a week- then I am ok. The rest of the time I try to keep the front two rooms orderly. That way if someone drops in I'm not freaking out the whole time. Also, I hate for the main living areas to feel cluttery when the girls come home from school. I think they feel better when the come home to a more peaceful, orderly environment. I have often thought that you can tell the "type" of life a person lives by looking at their house. As much as I would like for my home to be featured in Cottage Living, the reality is that we are better qualified for an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Someones house can be really orderly because it is not "lived in". So, all things considered, my livable house will have to do. For now I am praying that it will serve as salve for my weary body and not an irritant.
In the words of the modern sage, Kenny Chesney, "So I've been trying to slow down. I've been trying to take it easy- in this here today gone tomorrow world we're living in. Don't blink- just like that your six years old and you take a nap...you wake up and your 25 and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife. Don't blink- you just might miss your babies growing like mine did; turning into moms & dads, next thing you know your Better Half of 50 years is there in bed and your praying God takes you instead...Don't Blink....life goes faster than you think!"